I feel like I got kicked in the chest, and I can’t breathe. I end up telling him all the grueling details of the conversations we had to get him up to speed.
“I saw the way she looked at you. She’s done for. It’s the same look Klara still gives me. You need to show her the man you are now. Make sure she knows that you’ll stick around this time. It’s what you’ve been talking about all week. In the end, if she still doesn’t see you, then you did everything you could. No regrets this time, right?”
“Max’s words of wisdom. When did you get so prophetic?” Slapping him on the shoulder, I say, “Really, thanks, man. I was getting in my head about all of this.”
“So then what are you waiting for? You should get that flight changed so you can leave tomorrow night. No hard feelings here. Klara and I love you, man. We want to see you happy.”
“Okay, I’ll change my flight to tomorrow night. Are you sure?”
“Whatever you need to do.”
“Shit! I’m really doing this. I’m selling my house and moving. Putting everything on the line to show her how much I love her and I’m never leaving her again.”
I excuse myself, and on the walk back to my suite to pack, I change my flight to leave tomorrow night. A smile crosses my face, and I nod my head in disbelief. I finally know I’m making the right decision and know exactly what I want in my life. I need to text Gabe again and see if he can get to the house quickly. I don’t want to waste a second.
Jude:
I changed my flight! I’m leaving Aruba tomorrow night. When is the earliest you can come over?
Gabe:
I can meet you Sunday afternoon at 2. Is that soon enough for you?
Jude:
Yes, I’ll fill you in when I see you.
Gabe:
Can’t wait to hear what the final straw was.
Faith completes me. I hurry through the room, grabbing all of my stuff from the main area and bathroom, and I shove all of it in my luggage. I’m leaving a casual outfit on the chair to change into quickly after the reception. I will only need to zip up my luggage and head to the airport.
I lower myself onto the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath and running my hands through my hair, I realize I need to book a short-term rental for at least three months. The thought crossed my mind to stay with my mom or Eve, but this is a transition, not just a family visit. If I’m going to be takenseriously, I need to make sure my living arrangements fit my long-term goals of finding permanent housing. I can’t help but imagine Faith in my bed with my arms wrapped tightly around her. I think about my heart rate slowing as she cuddles into me, and we fall asleep together—in a place of my own, not my family's.
I slide my phone from my pocket and bring up the short-term rental app. Then a thought pops into my head. Would it be crazy if I looked for a house on Lake Mirror? It’s the lake where we spent two summers together. With all the criteria lined up, I clicksearch. The moment the results appear, the perfect house is on my screen. It’s a Cape style house with a two-tier deck. The main deck, which appears to be off the living room, expands the entire length of the house and overlooks the lake. There’s a wall of windows, and it has a four-season porch with a hot tub.
The inside has hardwood floors, an updated kitchen with an island, and the cathedral ceiling living room has a natural stone fireplace. It’s exactly what I’m looking for, so I book it.
Tomorrow night can’t come fast enough.
THIRTY-SEVEN
FAITH
The ride to the airport was quiet. The conversations I’ve had with Jude are on repeat during the entire ride. Finally, we arrive at the airport and get to our terminal. The flight leaves in about an hour. My body finally gives in to the sadness that feels like it’s consuming me. I try to be discreet and bawl my eyes out on Kendall’s shoulder, but it’s impossible. I was being brave in front of Jude, but my heart aches and my body is shaking.
All I’ve ever wanted is to be with him again. Through the years, it’s consistently been him. My sobs slow, and I gain my composure back. I remind myself that he lives in Colorado. I will not pressure him to move or make him feel like he needs to move across the country.
And then there’s the issue about kids. I replay that moment in my mind; he froze when I asked about kids. That’s what he wants…I can feel it in my heart, and I refuse to be the barrier that stops him from having children. If we hadn’t reconnected, he’d probably find someone who can give him everything he wants in life.
The next morning, my eyes feel heavy and swollen. I throw my arm over my eyes. Do I have to get up? Actually no, it’s Saturday. As I move to my side, the ache in my chest is still there, and it all comes crashing down on me. I’m alone. Instead of waking up with Jude, feeling his warmth and comfort, all I feel is emptiness. My hand slides to the bed, and I feel the cold spot next to me. I curl up and wrap my arms around my waist as tears roll down my cheeks.
I pick up my phone to see what time it is, and I have a text from Kai.
Kai:
Hope you landed safely. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 6. See you then.
