She sits up on the bed and crawls to her nightstand to shut off the alarm. With an enormous sigh, she slips off the bed and strolls to the bathroom without another word. I’ll give her some time, but we aren’t leaving this room until she knows I’m seriousabout moving. I’m really hoping she just asks me to move, but even if she doesn’t, I’m doing it anyway.
I hear the shower turn on. Throwing my hands behind my head, I decide I’m staying in bed until she gets out. Everything I need to coordinate to move home plays out in my mind. Since I have a few minutes, I decide to reach out to my realtor buddy, Gabe. It won’t surprise him—there’s been numerous times that we discussed my move, I’ve just never taken the next step.
Jude:
It’s go time.
Gabe:
For real this time…?
What an ass. We’ve been friends for a few years now. He helped me find the land that I built my Colorado dream house on.
Jude:
I’ve never been more “for real” in my life.
Gabe:
Oh, this is serious!
Jude:
Yes, I’ll text you when I’m heading back home from Aruba, and we’ll get something on the books.
Gabe:
Sounds like a plan.
The shower shuts off, and there’s some rummaging around in the bathroom. Then Faith comes strolling out in a fucking towel. Her skin glistens with lotion. Within minutes, the entireroom smells like vanilla. Between her walking out in a towel and her scent, my cock is trying to bust out of my underwear.
“I’ll finish getting ready, and then I need to head to the lobby.” I feel distance between us, like she has a protective wall up.
I try not to stare at her as she finds her clothes and meanders back to the bathroom. My shorts sit on the chair, so I get up and put them on, along with my shirt. I look around the room. There’s not much left of her, except her luggage. The tension in my body radiates; I don’t want her to leave. If I could convince her to stay, we could go to Max and Klara’s wedding together. We’d have more time to talk. Instead, I’m only minutes away from saying goodbye to the woman I love.
All dressed to leave, she packs up the rest of her items. I watch as she puts on the bracelet, and the pride that washes over me is unfathomable. I really didn’t want a replay from twelve years ago, when she left her ring on the dining room table. My heart continues to practically combust as I hope we can figure all of this out.
“I’m coming for you,” I whisper, not sure how she will take it.
She stops in her tracks and looks over her shoulder. “What does that mean?”
“Since you haven’t asked me to move home, I’m telling you. I’ll be moved within the week.”
She turns to face me as I stride toward her. I cup her face in my palms and kiss her like I’m desperate to taste her, desperate to keep her and love her. She doesn’t hold back and kisses me with the same intensity. I run my fingers through her hair and hold her head, giving us the time to enjoy this kiss. I part my lips and dart my tongue into her mouth. She opens on command, and our tongues slide against each other as our mouths move in sync. I savor the moment until she pulls away.
Backing away, she whispers, “Jude.”
She leans on the desk and bites down on her lip. “We have pieces of our lives that don’t necessarily fit together. I’m worried that this won’t last, and we’ll end up repeating history. Except this time, there’s more at stake. Distance is just one piece of our complicated lives. I’m scared to death that I won’t come out on the other side if we start this and it ends with us breaking up. My heart wouldn’t survive. I’m not sureI’dsurvive.”
Tears well in her eyes. There’s a long pause and deafening silence, and it feels like the earth is shattering. My heart clenches with a vise that keeps getting tighter and tighter. It’s like we are both frozen in time after that bomb she just dropped. If it doesn’t work out, it’ll crush me too, and I doubt I’d ever risk giving away my heart again.
She's worth every ounce of effort I can muster. If she’s not ready to dive into this at the moment, I'll be her support. We have time to sort everything out. What is making this hard is we naturally slipped back into each other’s arms with ease. It must be daunting for her when she thinks about how it will work once we're back to our regular lives. I can bear the weight for both of us, standing firm and steady.
She breaks the silence to say, “I need some time and space to figure things out.”
My first reaction isfuck no. I feel the wall of protection she has up. The love of my life is standing in front of me, and I feel like I’m losing her. Every second I stand in front of her she’s slipping away from me.
I do the only thing I know. I take her hands in mine. While I gaze into her eyes with all the affection, I tell her, “I love you with all of my soul. I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing is going to change that. You can push me away, but I see the same love in your eyes. I’m never leaving you again. So you take the time you need to sort through whatever it is you think you need to figure out. And I’ll be here, making plans for our future. That’show much I believe in our love. You may not have the strength right now, so I’m going to carry you until you do. You are my soulmate, and it’s time we admit that to ourselves. No more hiding behind the past. It’s our future we need to be looking toward.”
