We linger outside until the last of the sun hides beneath the horizon and the colors disappear. The night sky and twinklingstars take their place. All the while, her back is against my chest and my arms are resting on her stomach. Her hands are placed over mine as she rubs the pad of her thumb on the top of my hand. I want to be with her every day. I hope she allows me that.
“Why don’t we head back in and see what everyone’s doing?” I ask as music hums behind the doors. As I loosen my arms, she turns around to face me.
“Sounds like a great idea. I know how much you love to dance,” she says, and her lip ticks up with that sassy grin.
My hand guides her to the dance floor as I hear Christina Perri’s “a thousand years” play on the speakers.
“Want to dance?” I ask her, knowing she will say yes.
THIRTY-TWO
FAITH
This song brings back memories of Jude and me—it’s nostalgic. During the dances we attended together, there were a handful of slow songs that the DJ would play, and this was one of them.
“Feels like old times,” I say as he leads me to the dance floor.
There are a few others dancing, and Jude twirls me around and brings me into his body. As we dance, it’s like our bodies are still familiar. The music hypnotizes me as I sway back and forth, feeling him against me. When I have my arms around his neck, my hands automatically go to his hair. It’s silky and I know he likes the way I move my fingers through his hair. The look in his eyes leaves me aching for him.
I don’t want any of this to end, even though I leave tomorrow. The thought has my stomach in knots. He brushes my hair over my ear, and my body buzzes with his touch. He leans in and gently caresses my cheek. And then our lips meet, and my legs faulter. He holds me up with his powerful arms while I gain my balance again.
He pulls away mere inches and confesses, “I love having you in my arms. Are you enjoying yourself?”
When I glance up into his amber eyes, he’s already staring at me. The way he is looking at me makes my heart beat faster. I want him to touch me all over my body and hold me forever.
“Yes, your friends are great. I’m happy Kendall and Klara hit it off with all that wedding talk. It sounds like the wedding is going to be one for the books,” I say, continuing to stare back at him.
This man still owns my heart. I know that deep down. Even though I’ve been trying to move on from him for years. And now, being with him, touching him, talking to him, feeling him, letting him care for me when I wasn’t feeling well—it’s easy to tell how much he still gets under my skin…in a good way.
My one question is: how will this all work once we leave the resort? I try to shake off the thought. I don’t want it weighing me down tonight.
He tightens his arms, and our bodies mold to each other.
Would I fit into his life?
In search of answers, I ask, “Do you travel a lot? You’re a highly sought after photographer, so I imagine you’re away from your home frequently.”
He eyes me like he’s searching for why I’m asking. Maybe I want to know what his life is like.
Would he fit into mine?
The heaviness of this unknown and the thought of leaving him tomorrow has my mind asking questions and that little bit of doubt weasels its way in.
“I love to travel.”
That doesn’t exactly answer my question, but I stay quiet to see if he elaborates a bit. While waiting to hear more about his life, I dare to imagine us back here as a couple with a ring on my finger. My mind reels.
“I’ve traveled a lot over the last few years. But I’ve dialed it back over the past year so I can spend more time with myfamily,” he says, brushing his hand through my hair and down my back.
“I love to travel, too. But I’m not good about blocking off the time in my calendar.”
“I understand that. Most of my travel is for work, but I try to book-end trips with some sightseeing and adventures. Not always a simple thing to do, though.”
We continue to dance with each other for a couple more slow songs. And before I know it, I look around and realize the boat is pulling into the dock. The night is over, and my heart sinks to my stomach–we’ll have to say our goodbyes soon. I’m going to miss the way he holds me…the way he worships and cherishes me. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m wondering how I’ve lived without him. Apparently, I’ve been living a mediocre life.
“Hey, you okay?” he asks with concern on his face.
“Yeah. Stuck in my thoughts.” Doubt creeps in. I’ve spent these past few days with him without having a plan for what’s next. I’m a little uneasy over having no plan once we leave. As the boat comes to a halt, it symbolizes the end.
