"Until Friday." I force a smile while my mind races to plot an escape route. My eyes dart around the room, scanning for the nearest exit, and I shift my weight from one foot to the other, eager to slip away quickly. Despite needing to get away, there's something holding me back, making me hesitate.
My breaths come quicker the longer I stand here. I want to know how long he’ll be staying, to see if he’s genuinely happy and completely in love with her. Then I’d finally have closure and push myself to move on, accepting that there’s no possibility to reconnect. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I've been holding onto a piece of my heart for him, instead of trying to give my whole heart to someone else. But this truth is one I’m not sure I’m ready to face.
I need to wrap this up.
“It was great seeing you,” my words linger in the air. To see him only feet away from me makes my world feel as though it's spinning out of control. I feel the urgent need to step back, to escape this magnetic pull and gather my thoughts before they spill over.
“You too.” I turn on my heels and practically run toward the pool. My heart is pounding in rhythm with my hurried steps. The thought of sharing every detail with my friends pushes me forward.
As I go to find them, I can’t help but think about Jude and Klara. The pair seems really happy, which cracks my heart even further.
FIVE
FAITH
My flip-flops slap against the tile floor as I rush over to the lounge chairs by the pool. Kendall is sprawled out on one of them, and Lane and Addison are in the pool.
I abruptly stop at the edge of the pool and say, “You're never going to believe what happened in the lobby. Come on.” I motion to the chairs, my thoughts racing. Lane and Addison quickly make their way out of the pool.
“Ok, we’re coming,” Lane says with a hint of curiosity in her voice as she rushes out of the pool.
I draw a deep, shaky breath, unsure of how to begin. "You guys won't believe who I ran into in the lobby." My voice trembles slightly as I recount everything that happened with Jude, along with what happened last night when I was in my hotel room. I felt the need to be alone. They sensed it and only reached out with a simple text to meet them in the morning.
“He’s engaged?” Lane repeats, her eyes widening and nearly popping out of her head. The shock in her voice is palpable. “The woman we saw him with yesterday is his fiancée?”
“Yep,” I mutter, my head bowing under the weight, unsure of how to process it all. All the emotions are spinning like a tornado—jealousy, hurt, and regret slam into me.
As the adrenaline subsides, I feel the familiar prickle in my eyes, and the heaviness settles in my limbs, pulling me deeper into the chair. I tilt my head back and rest my arm over my eyes, as I wrestle with it all. The tightness around my lungs makes breathing a struggle.
“Breathe, we’re right here,” Lane urges when she hears my ragged breathing. She sits on the edge of the chair and places a gentle hand on my legs. “Yes. There you go. Breathe in for four seconds. One, two, three, four. Now breathe out nice and slow, Faith…”
I’m so glad I’m not alone right now. My friends are here, helping me breathe, and sitting with me as I have a full-on meltdown. It honestly feels like we’re back in college, twelve years ago…
We’re sitting in Addison and Lane’s dorm room. Kendall already knows most of what went down because she’s dealt with it every single day—perks of being my roommate, I suppose. Nothing gets by that girl. It’s like she can read my mind or something; she always knows when I’m thinking of him and getting in my head. We’re sitting on the rug between their beds as I ramble on about everything that happened with Jude at the end of the summer. I’m comforted by their hugs and encouragement.
“We’re here for you whenever you need us, no matter the time. We’re your best friends, and we love you,” Lane says with tears in her eyes.
Addison follows suit with, “You’re not alone, okay? We’re here. Lean on us when you need to.”
I’m so glad I have these girls.
All these years later, the four of us are still the best of friends, and we do everything together. We know each other’s secrets, and we listen and give each other advice. Now that I think about it, Kendall is less of alistenerand more of adoer. She’d rather pull us through our issues kicking and screaming. She doesn’t encourage any of us to stay in our comfort zones.
My chest is loosening, and my breathing is starting to steady. Slowly, I sit up straighter and wipe my tears from my cheeks. “It’s unbelievable. I dreamt about seeing him but never thought it would actually happen. And here he is while we’re on vacation. It’s bringing up a lot.” I shake my head.
I compare every single man I date to Jude, but he seems to have moved on effortlessly. My thoughts are crushing me, and once more, hot tears spill down my cheeks as I mourn the future we never had. We’ll never walk hand in hand through life—never share whispered dreams under the stars. The harsh truth sends a cold shiver racing down my spine. It's the undeniable finality of it. When will I allow myself to move forward? I deserve a life filled with laughter and warmth with someone who cherishes me as fiercely as I cherish them. But the thought of discovering that kind of love again feels like I’m grasping at straws.
Kendall sits next to me and puts her arms around me and pulls me close. “Girl, you’ll get through this!” She’s by my side at every turn. She grabs my face and turns it so we are eye to eye. “You are strong, and this is one hurdle to get over.”
“You’re a badass Faith,” Addison says.
I know they are right. I’ve worked so hard to heal from this. As a therapist, I also know that we repress feelings and think we’ve moved on, but when those feelings hit the surface, it feels like you’re starting all over. This time, it feels different. The ability to come back from such a visceral reaction means my mental foundation is strong.
That’s a win for me.
Now, if I could please, for love of everything, avoid the happy couple. I know avoidance isn’t the answer, but I just need it. The hurt that I’m not the one by his side is fresh, but I’ll do some journaling and that will help sort through it all. A stray tear escapes. I allow it to roll down my face, then my neck, before wiping it away.
“I want to go check out the breakfast spread. We all could use a bit of nourishment, and I’m starving.” Lane gets up, signaling us to move along.
