Those words sting—three words that he never asked all those years ago. He let me go without a care in the world. He abandoned me. How differently things could have turned out. Instead, I changed my phone number, concentrated on college, and went to therapy to mend the scars from the break-up and the life-changing, regretful decision I made shortly after that. All the old memories flood back, causing my chest to constrict. My hand rubs my chest to release the pressure.
I seriously thought I could avoid him. Of all the people on this resort, I ran smack dab into Jude and the woman standing beside him. The same woman that was with him yesterday.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I was in a hurry," I mutter, not sure if I really am sorry. My throat is dry. It feels like aboulder is lodged there, weighing down words I’m hesitant to speak.
If I paid attention, I would have tried to avoid him without a second thought. Instead, I have his hands all over me as drops of sweat drip down my back. The prickling in my palms, the way my body feels in his arms, his touch that sears my skin. I wrestle with conflicting thoughts—the longing to be in his arms again and the pain and disappointment from him leaving me heartbroken and wrecked.
His eyes reveal everything, and as recognition dawns on him, he smiles. His amber eyes flicker for a moment, and I recognize the sadness inside of them. Whether out of instinct or something deeper, he relaxes and draws me near for a brief moment before abruptly letting go.
"Um…no problem. Faith?" he asks, clearly shocked. He runs his fingers through his hair. Surprise and uncertainty linger in his gaze as he stares back at me.
I drop my stare to the floor, wringing my hands, caught between the urge to run and the need to confront him. The feeling of wanting to disappear is overwhelming. Gathering every ounce of courage, I reluctantly raise my eyes to meet his, my voice wavering as I finally manage to say, "Hey."
His eyes wander down my body and back up. Yes, I’m wearing the cutest bikini today, and I don’t have on a cover-up, so he’s getting the full show of all the goods. A part of me wants to show him what he’s missed out on. But I’m not that bold. Not today, anyway.
“It's been a long time,” he acknowledges.
It sure has!
“Yeah. Twelve years…”
Almost twelve years without him—and countless questions are filling my mind. I’ve always imagined him missing me, tracking me down, and apologizing. But reality would intrude,and I'd picture him living happily in a mountain house, snowboarding with a wonderful wife and kids. Meanwhile, I’ve led a mediocre life, unable to find love because no one has ever compared to him. I often wanted to reach out, but for my sanity, I distanced myself.
I’m brought back into the present when the woman next to Jude sticks out her hand. “I’m Klara. Jude has mentioned you before. What brings you to theOne Happy Island?” I give her my hand, and she places her other hand on top of mine. I can’t ignore the blinding rock on her ring finger.
Wow…
I instinctively touch my own ring finger with the pad of my thumb. It’s where my promise ring used to be before all the promises Jude made went to hell. He’s found someone to spend the rest of his life with, and it’s hard not to be jealous of her. That ring, though. He always had good taste in jewelry. Everything he gave me felt like it was custom made for me. Shaking out of my thoughts, I finally find my voice.
“Nice to meet you,” I say through gritted teeth.
“You too.” She smiles at me and then turns to Jude.
He’s taller than I remember—and even more handsome. My eyes fixate on him. Once again, he isn’t wearing a shirt. It’s really hard not to drool over his Celtic tattoos that run up and down both arms. I was so caught up in watching his chest muscles yesterday, I didn’t realize he has tattoos on both of his arms. Those rigid biceps are practically begging me to touch them.
You need to stop this! Get a grip.
I close my eyes for a moment to gather myself, then tear my gaze away from Jude and turn to Klara, saying, "Girls’ trip."
“That sounds exciting. I’m sure we’ll see you around the resort. It was really nice to meet you,” Klara says, nudging him.
“What was that for?” he asks, shooting Klara a side-eye.
“Say something,” she whispers to him, and his eyes sweep over my body again.
Jude, stumbling over his words, says, “H-how long are you here for?”
The plan was to avoid him, but the universe torched it, sent it up in flames, and burnt it to the ground…never to be seen again.
Being near him and feeling his touch makes it clear to me that I still have feelings for him. Even after all this time.
In my dreams, he wraps his arms around my waist and draws me close, just like he used to. He holds me tight, my head resting on his broad chest. He’d confess how much he missed me—missedus. Then, gently lifting my chin with his hands cradling my cheeks, he’d kiss me passionately, making me feel claimed. Pulling his lips away, he’d gaze into my eyes and share his regret for everything, admitting he’s never stopped loving me.
Wait, did I dream about him last night?
I sure did.
A smirk crosses my face as I think about the way he took me in my dream. So much for avoiding him. I can’t even do it in my dreams.
