“Gee, thanks.”
“Just to be clear, I’m not opening the door for you.” Noah marched directly to the passenger-side door and yanked on the handle until it popped open.
“That’s literally what you just did,” I pointed out.
“But not in a gentlemanly way.” Noah left the door hanging open.
“Don’t worry, I would never accuse you of being a gentleman.”
“Good.” Noah circled around the Jeep to the driver’s side.
“Good.” Climbing in required more upper body strength than I expected. Taking my seat, I tried to find a position where my new clothes weren’t touching anything mud-covered.
It was mathematically impossible.
“We’ll stop by the shop first so I can get you some proper clothes,” said Noah, settling in behind the wheel. “What size are you?”
“That’s a little personal, don’t you think?”
“You want me to get you clothes that fit?” He jammed the key into the ignition. “Or you want me to wing it?”
If Noah thought his glare was scary, he’d never seen mine after being forced to wear misfit clothing. Mom used to make me wear my older cousin’s hand-me-downs instead of taking me on a proper back-to-school shopping trip when times were tight. I’d been scarred ever since.
“Six,” I answered, just to make him stop looking at my waist.
He looked at me like he was counting how many of the resort’s house-baked white chocolate, macadamia nut cookies I had before bed. For the record, it was the same number as my pant size. “If you say so.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. I just said, “If you say so.’”
“You said ‘if you say so’ like you have an opinion about what I said.”
Noah shrugged. “I used to take Brie clothes shopping all the time.”
For the life of me, I couldn’t imagine Mr. Grumpy Mountain Grouchy Face sitting outside a waiting room in a department store while his sister tried on clothes. “Why wouldyoutake your sister clothes shopping?”
“That’s not important. What is important is that I know asize seven when I see one. I just want you to be comfortable during our hike.”
Noah turned the key in the ignition. The engine wheezed to life.
If I were going to be forced to go on a stupid hike, and be forced out of bed before dawn, the last thing I wanted to do was compound my misery by squeezing into tight pants. “Okay, fine. Maybe I’m a seven. But that’s only because I’ve been doing a lot of food promotions lately. As soon as I get back to Los Angeles, I’m going on a diet.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so.”
“So now it’s been said.” Noah pointed to the mud-caked strap. “Seatbelt.”
I fumbled with the complicated harness system that appeared to be designed for extreme racing sports rather than basic transportation. “Is all this really necessary?” Hopefully, he didn’t notice how I had to give the lap belt a little extra slack to fit it around my waist.
“Only if you want to remain inside the vehicle when we hit the switchbacks.”
“The what?”
Noah jerked the stick shift into drive, and it sounded like the entire engine fell out the bottom. He punched his foot on the accelerator and the rear tires spit gravel.
As we eased onto the main road, I turned to face him. “What’s wrong with the clothes I’m wearing, anyway?
