“Well, let’s see, where should we start?” Noah lifted his foot off the clutch at a bend and the Jeep lurched forward around the curve. “First off, that fleece?” Noah gestured at my pullover without taking his eyes off the dark mountain road. “It’ll snag on every branch we pass. One good catch and you’ll have a hole the size of Boulder. The city, not the rock.”
“This is a three hundred dollar sweater.”
“Then you might not want to wear it in the woods. That sweater really cost three hundred dollars?”
“Well, I didn’t pay three hundred dollars for it. That’s like my entire grocery budget for the month. LuxeLife is paying the expense tab. Maya said I could pick out whatever I want.”
“Hmm.”
I sensed judgment in his hmm, but was too tired to get into it. I strained my eyes to see through the mud-splattered windshield, wondering if Noah was secretly a Jedi Knight. Force powers were the only thing I could think of that would enable him to see where we were going in the pitch dark, considering the headlights were mostly covered by splattered mud. “Shouldn’t you maybe slow down just a bit?”
“And those pants?” He continued as if he hadn’t heard me.
“What’s wrong with my pants?”
“They’re going to get soaked the second we cross the stream. Then you’ll be hiking in wet synthetics that’ll chafe worse than sandpaper. Better hope that fancy resort shop of yours sells diaper rash cream.”
I shifted in my seat. Not by choice. A pothole jostled me airborne. “There’s a stream crossing?”
“Two actually. Though one of them is more of a river.” Noah downshifted and whipped around another hairpin turn. “And those socks?” Noah snorted. “Merino wool in summer? Your feet are gonna cook. Then blister. Then probably fall off. And just in case you were wondering, at no point will I be carrying you.”
“Well, on that point we can agree,” I said.
“But the real problem?” Noah pulled into the gravel lot in front of the Adventure Center. “Those shoes.”
I glanced down at my new white boots. I’d paid extra for the custom memory foam inserts. Well, technically, LuxeLifepaid extra. “What’s wrong with my boots? They’re Canada Goose.”
“Please. A goose wouldn’t be caught dead in those things. Canadian, or otherwise.”
“It’s a clothing brand. Not an actual … goose.”
Noah chuckled.
“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”
“Only in your dreams.” Noah hopped out of the Jeep and came over to my side.
I tried to think of a snappy comeback, but he was right. Literally. The previous night, Dream Noah had once again invaded my sleep, leaving me tossing and turning for hours. The jerk was not only tormenting my day life; he plagued my night life too.
Noah jiggled the handle, then yanked open my door. “Really, though, those shoes have zero ankle support. And the laces are going to come untied every ten steps.”
Yeti hopped out the back, and the three of us headed toward the Adventure Center’s front door, giving Noah more time to criticize my footwear.
“And those soles are about as grippy as bowling shoes on ice. One wrong step on wet rock and you’re taking a header off the mountain. Which reminds me, another thing I won’t be doing is rappelling down a cliff to dig you out of a ravine.”
“I thought this was supposed to be an easy hike.”
“Dawn Patrol isn’t just a hike. It’s a scramble.”
“As in eggs?” I asked hopefully.
“Nope.”
Noah flicked on the lights inside the Adventure Center, and the fluorescents hummed to life, castingharsh shadows across the equipment-lined walls. Yeti found a napping spot in a corner and closed her eyes. I was immediately envious.
“Take off your clothes.”
I nearly choked. “Excuse me?”
