Cass chuckles, making me scowl.
“I would love to seeyoudo it, dick-face,” I tell him.
He’s laughing now. “Well, you should’ve made the offer first, then.”
I roll my eyes, bend my upper body forward so as to not to hit my head again, and finally manage to straddle him.
“God forbid if I did,” I mutter.
He puts his tongue to his cheek. “Excuses, excuses.”
I place both forearms over the headrest of his seat and lean in. “Fuck you, Madden.”
He smirks as he slowly runs his eyes over me. “Why, hello there.”
“Do you not have an off switch?” I ask, then move back.
“Nope,” he answers with apop, and when I shake my head at him, he pats my left hip twice and wraps his arms around my waist. “Also, you’re stalling.”
“Stalling?”
“Mm-hm.” He arches a brow. “You don’t wanna talk about the effect Amanda has had on you.”
I click my tongue and give him my best poker face. “I already told you I can’t get her voice outta my head. That’s all there is to it.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You sure about that?” he questions.
I clench my jaw as I stare at him, because I kind of hate how easily he can tell that I’m hiding something from him. But I also like it, because it means that he sees me for more than what I choose to show him.
“Nia…” he says my name with emphasis, making me click my tongue again.
“I…” I push my hair behind an ear. “I feel like everything she said to me is a reflection of who I’ve always been, but never found it important enough to acknowledge. And now that she’sshown me the mirror, I’ve been thinking of ways to maybe implement certain changes in my life.”
Cass looks utterly shocked by my confession. “Please don’t tell me you mean that, Nia. I don’t know every bit of the bullshit she spewed at you – only the bits that Noah told me that night – but I know for a fact that none of what she said to you is true.”
“And how do you know that?” I ask a little too loudly. “You weren’t even there for any of it, dammit!”
“BecauseIknowyou, okay,” he states calmly. “Because I know you, baby, and Amanda doesn’t. Because I know your heart, your mind, and your way of living life, and she doesn’t. She’s a spiteful human being who hides behind her insecurities and fear of failure, and it took years of ignorance and dependence on my part to realize how wrong I was about her, and about everything she represents. It took me losing you, albeit fleetingly, to realize that I’d given her too much liberty over my life and its choices.” He lets go of a short breath. “When she told me what she felt for me after I confronted her – it…it made me feel disgusted with myself. I blamed myself for being careless with my words and expressions towards her. I thought that maybe I’d unknowingly led her on. I started questioning the things I stand for, and the kind of man I am. Nia…” He holds my face in his hands. “That’s what Amanda does to people: she confuses and hurts and demeans them. That’s what she’s been doing to my professional competitors foryears. I know it’s wrong that I never really spoke to her about these things, but the truth is that I didn’t know how to. This is who she is, and it took me so fucking long to realize what that meant – what her being who she is meant for me, and for the people around me.” He touches his forehead to mine. “I’m so, so sorry, N–”
“It’s not your fault,” I cut him off. “I’ve known that from the very beginning, but I refused to fully admit to it.”
“You had every right to process things and clear your head.”
“No, I–”
“I’m sorry, Nia,” he affirms.
I wrap my fingers around his wrists and run the pad of my thumb over his tattoo, which makes him smile. “I’mthe one who should apologize, Cass,” I say. “I’msorry for giving you the cold shoulder, even though you didn’t deserve a single bit of it.I’msorry I took Amanda’s words so hard that I lost track of you and your transparency towards everything.”
“Don’t.” Our noses touch when he cants his head a little. “I get it, I do. I mean, I know firsthand that she’s crazy. I just hope she fixes that part of herself before it’s too late and she gets herself stuck in something she can’t get out of, despite the connections and people at her disposal.”
I blink, and when my blues meet his hazels, he smiles again.
“Are you okay?” I ask him. “Like,reallyokay?”
“Areyou?” he counters.
I chuckle. “Fair enough.” I push some of his fallen hair away from his face. “Where is she now?”
