I bend and bring my face close to hers. She feels so fucking amazing, like silk-smooth warmth and blissful familiarity, and I’m the lucky bastard who gets to witness it all, standing right here under the glimmering sky with her.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” I say to her. “What thehellwas I thinking when I decided to stay away from you in order to give you your goddamn space? Fuck, woman.”
She’s trying not to smile, I can tell. “You’vealwayslaid it on too thick, haven’t you?”
I chuckle. “I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.”
Her lips twitch. “And what a shame that’d be.”
“It’s the truth – what I just said. But I’ll tone it down for you if you want.”
Nia’s eyes search my face, just as mine search hers. “Have I ever wanted that from you?” she questions.
I shake my head. “Not really, no.”
Another song starts playing at an awfully loud volume, which makes Nia grimace.
“Can we…” She scowls at the screaming kids, who instantly shut up when they see her expression. With a sigh, she then looks at me. “Can we go somewhere quiet where we can talk?” she asks loudly.
I grin.Finally.
“Yeah, of course,” I tell her, then grab her hand before walking us away from the party.
20. Nia
“She hurt me,” I whisper. “She made me rethink everything I thought I knew, and everything that I believed in when it came to you and I.”
Cass and I are in his SUV, which is parked in Gerald’s driveway. The ear-piercing music is a blurred echo here as the two of us sit facing each other.
“I know she did,” Cass tells me. “I know, Nia. But none of what Amanda told you came from me.Noneof it.”
“I know that,” I state. “I...that’s not you, Cass. Everything that Amanda said to me – the threats and the harsh words – that isn’t you. It never will be.”
“Then why stay away from me for over aweek?” he asks with open vulnerability. His eyes shine under the lulling evening light as he says, “Your silence almost made me believe that you didn’t trust me. That you thought you were better off without me.”
“Why didn’tyoureach out, then?” It isn’t my place to ask him that, especially because I know he had nothing to do with Amanda’s madness. The truth is that I’d let her get in my head pretty bad, and had gotten all fucked up about it. The truth is that I’d taken too long to process and eliminate her insults, which in turn made Cass think I didn’t want him.
He pushes back a few errant strands of his long hair. “I don’t know?” He shrugs. “Maybe it’s because I didn’t wanna violate your personal space when you’d just been hurt by someone who was associated with me, or maybe it was because I was too scared to know what your answer would be about everything.” He shifts and scratches the back of his head with a thumb.“Honestly, I really don’t know why I didn’t reach out, Nia. I wasn’t even sure whether I was supposed to.”
“How long were you planning on waiting?” I ask. “I know you have to leave soon; you can’t stay in Adenbrooke forever. So, were you going to leave without talking to me about the whole mess? Were you just going to, I don’t know, leave the ends loose and forget about them?”
He frowns. “I literally just told you that none of what my ex-manager said to you had come from me. Why are you questioning me like I’m the one to blame here?”
He’s right. Why am I so on-edge withhim? It’s not like he deserves any of this. It isn’t like he even deserves to have this conversation with me.
I rub both hands over my face, then cup the back of my neck as I stare at the car’s gearshift. “I don’t know.” I sniff and shake my head.
He places a hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze. “Look, let’s just admit that we were both stubborn and didn’t want to be the first one to reach out to the other, so we chalked it up to either wanting time to process everything, or thinking that the other person needed space for the same,” he says. “Can we just do that, please?”
“Yeah,” I agree, then nod. “Yes, let’s just do that.”
He smiles. “Perfect.”
I sigh and grab his hand – the one that’s on my knee. “I’m so sorry, Cass,” I tell him while looking him in the eye. “I can’t get her…voiceout of my head. Her words just won’t leave my mind, and I don’t understand why.”
“Hey…” He touches my chin. “Come here.” He gestures at his front.
I place my hair over one shoulder and rise, only to hiss when my head bumps against the SUV’s ceiling.
