Would I have realized sooner that I was his second choice if Jerica were around and we were interacting with her more? Would Alek and I have gotten together in the first place?
I hate that I'm questioning every moment of our relationship now because a lot of the time, I was happy. My eyes are open now, and it's like the entire foundation we have built it on is a giant lie. There's a part of my soul that tears off and withers to dust at the thought, leaving the jagged, sharp edges of the other parts behind. If one gets too close, they're liable to feel the stinging slices of my broken soul.
My thoughts are a splintered mess as I climb from the bed and grab some clothes from the dresser. Alek is so busy listening to David on the phone and packing a duffel bag that I've become a mere afterthought.
I stumble, my knees hitching, and I catch myself on the dresser as I glimpse what my future will look like if I stay. Inside my chest, my heart thuds dully as I watch my love in the mirrorthrough empty eyes, as he laughs and carries on with his best friend while getting ready to leave me to go to her.
The one he wishes I were. His first choice. His ugly truth.
I've turned so far into myself that when his hand touches my shoulder, he startles me so badly my body jerks and slams into the dresser hard.
"Fuck, baby girl. Are you okay? Let me see."
Jerking away from him, I smile tightly, hoping he ignores the wetness in my eyes. "I'm good. Just a bump." My eyes fall to the duffel sitting on the bed, and the fake smile fades. "So, you're going to Jerica then."
He leans back and stares at me with furrowed brows. "I'm going with David to help her move."
"Back here?"
"Yes," he replies sharply.
The more we speak, the cooler my body gets until I'm fighting the chattering of my teeth. "What is it about you and her, Alek?"
Alek steps back and holds himself rigidly. "What are you talking about, Vin? She's my best friend's sister."
"God, Alek. I don't know who you're trying to fool. Me or you. I honestly think it's both of us, and it makes me so angry at you."
"I don't have time for this ridiculous shit, Hayvin. David is on his way over here. I don't know what happened between last night and right now, but I don't enjoy seeing you like this."
I scoff, and his brows snap together at a sound he's rarely heard from me. "You don't enjoy seeing me like this, Alek, but you're the reason I am like this. When we got together, I was upfront with you. I told you from the very beginning what I wanted for my future, and you fucking accepted that. You accepted that and chased me until I gave in. You knew I wanted it all. Love, marriage, babies. I never hid that from you. So, when you came after me and fought for a relationship, I took that as you being on the same page. As you wanting the same things as Idid." I swipe at the tears that drip from my eyes. "But you fooled us both."
His face softens, and there's something in his eyes that I want to believe, but after everything I've witnessed, I no longer have it in me to.
Alek cups my cheeks in his hands. "Baby girl. No. I want you. I have from the moment I laid eyes on you. You stole my breath, and you keep stealing it every day. I don't know where all of this is coming from. What's going on, Vin? Where's your head at?"
"I love you, Alek."
God, if the situation wasn't so fucking sad, I'd probably laugh at how fast he drops his hands and steps away.
And I do laugh, but it's broken, and it's full of pain and tears. "Three years. I've given you three years of my life, Alek. I've loved you for two and a half of them. It was something I knew you weren't ready to hear, so I kept it to myself, but if after three years you don't love me, then I'm doing nothing but wasting my time and my future."
"We'll talk when I get back."
"There's no point in it. There's nothing left to say."
Alek takes a step toward me, but this time, it's me who steps away. "I don't accept that."
"What happens now that Jerica is finally free and moving back to Granite Bay?" I ask quietly, crossing my arms over myself.
He doesn't say anything, only staring at me through those eyes of his that I once thought were the most beautiful things in the world.
My chin trembles as I stare back at him and smile sadly. "Yeah, I thought so." I work my jaw back and forth as I fight the tears that fill my eyes. "You're fucking selfish, Alek. Three years ago, you made me your second choice, knowing you'd never give me what I wanted. That was never fair to me. All I ever wanted fromyou was to be loved by you. I wanted to be your one and only, Alek, not your just because."
He growls and runs his fingers through his hair. "This is ridiculous, Hayvin."
He paces back and forth in front of me, and I can tell from the way he opens and closes his hands that he's fighting his need to reach out to me. Alek has to touch me. It's his thing, and it's killing him that I'm not letting him do that.
Alek pulls his phone from his pocket when it goes off, and his fingers fly over the screen, replying to whoever it is.
