Fuck, I was so damn stupid.
That’s when her true colors started to show, though I stayed blind for far too long. Everyone else saw it and tried to warn me, but I was too dazzled by the newness to listen.
I swore to Charlie I wasn’t attracted to Rianna anymore. Would’ve staked my life on it. Truth is, I just buried it so deep I couldn’t even see it myself.
Until the pool party.
Before the pool party, I started distancing myself from Rianna because her touchiness made me uneasy. But she knew how to push my insecurities, planting doubts about me and Charlie. What if we weren’t meant for each other? Childhood sweethearts rarely last. The more she poked at me, the more my hidden doubts surfaced.
It’s my fault, I know that. I gave her every opening she needed, and while I can blame her for a lot, I can’t blame her for taking advantage of the opportunity I laid at her feet.
Everything that happened with Rianna began—and should have ended—with me.
Hindsight really is twenty-twenty.
When I cried to Lionel about the no-contact order, he calmly asked me, “Keaton, do you want Charlie to heal?”
It shocked me that he even needed to ask because it’s been the only thing I ever spoke about when I was lying back on his couch. I nodded and exclaimed, “Of course.”
That’s when Lionel broke it to me straight.
Going through no contact will be crucial to Charlie’s healing process.
Since that was the one thing I wanted most in this world, I abided by the boundary Charlie put in place.
By my fourth visit to Lionel after the no-contact order, he could see I was struggling hard with it. At the end of the session, he passed me a piece of paper with a website on it and told me to check it out. It turned out to be an online forum for partners who’ve cheated.
I spent the longest time staying in the background. I’d make comments here and there when I felt what I had to say would have an impact. The stories I’ve read on the forum… they were sad, full of remorse and self-loathing. Most of them resonated with me so much, and I’d have to look at my reflection to see the man I’d become.
With the six-month mark approaching, I wasn’t sure whether I should reach out. Last week, I finally posted my story on the forum and asked for advice.
These people have done the same thing as I have. Some worse, some not to the extent as me, but the majority of them are all in varying stages of reconciliation.
Some comments were harder to swallow, especially those from betrayed partners. You could hear the pain in their words, and they were hard to read because I kept picturing Charlie on the other side of them. The comments that really got me were thosefrom betrayed partners, telling me they’re proud of how far I’ve come in a year.
Charlie had been the only person to tell me that. Not even my parents have said it.
One of the forum's longtime members recommended that I reach out to her, but to accept whatever answer—or no answer—that she gives.
When I finally typed out the message to her, my hands shook uncontrollably. But once I hit send, the weight on my shoulders eased a little.
I’m not sure why I suggested we meet as strangers, like we did at the bar months ago. It just felt right, so I went with it.
When she said yes, excitement and humility tangled inside me. I didn’t care that she wanted to take things slow.
I’ll take anything that lets her stay in my life.
Even if all I get is friendship.
Honestly, you can never have too many friends.
That’s how my friendship with Brock started to grow. We were close before I went no contact with Charlie, but after, we really leaned on each other through the mess. We’re both fighting for redemption with the women we love, and we’re not holding back.
Lionel told us that if our remorse is real, we’ll hold each other accountable and help each other, no matter where our paths lead.
A sharp, angry voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up from my client, instantly recognizing it.
Fucking Rune.
