Ask him.
‘What do you get for that?’
After briefly explaining the procedure he remains quiet. Just for once I wish he’d say something.
I clear my throat. ‘So, I was wondering…’
He knows what I’m wondering, but still he doesn’t make it easy.
‘I, er, well, I wondered if you could lend me the money?’ I daren’t look at his face or wait for an answer. ‘Granny is going to come with me and—’
‘Of course, she is.’
I can’t help noticing the sting in his voice. I look up. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘It’s always about you, isn’t it, Jan?’
Confused, I say, ‘Sorry, what do you mean?’
‘You have no idea, do you? Why did we move to Cornwall? Because of you, Jan. I once overheard our grandparents say that if you couldn’t settle at school, if you were bullied again, we’d move. It didn’t matter what I wanted, did it?’
‘Lucas, that’s not true, they always thought about us!’
He shakes his head, his skin reddening. ‘No, Jan, not once did they think how I might be missing my friends in London. They never asked if I was happy at school or—’
‘But you were fine, weren’t you?’
‘I had to be. Had no choice. It didn’t matter anyway, as long asyouwere all right. I remember Granny saying all the time how much you looked like your mother, it’s not difficult to see why you were thefavourite.’
‘I wasn’t the favourite,’ I say, uncomfortably. ‘I’m not…’
‘Don’t pretend, Jan. You’re the daughter she lost. She can’t help loving you more.’
‘But Lucas, she loves you, of course, she—’
‘And then you get into this mess with Dan and it’s all about you again, isn’t it?’
‘Do you think I want all of this?’ I raise my voice for the first time.
‘All they can talk about is January this, January that. I get the same old pep talk, “We have to support you”. They have no idea who I am or what I need.’
‘Because you don’t let them in. You’re so closed off from us.’
‘And then with Isla.’
‘You think I want Isla to have to go through this? You think I love all this drama, because let me tell you—’
‘Just ask Lucas for the cash,’ he cuts me off. ‘I bet that’s what you and Granny said. He won’t mind. He earns enough.’
I reach for his hand, but he pulls his away. ‘Lucas, that’s not what I thought and it’s far from easy asking you. I wish I didn’t have to, but I’d pay you back, every single penny.’
‘The answer’s no,’ he says, standing up, grabbing his jacket and walking away. ‘The three of you can sort it out on your own, just like you always do.’
‘Lucas, wait!’
He turns, comes back to our table. ‘I’ve never felt part of our family.’ I am shocked to see tears in his eyes. ‘I’ve always been second best to them and I won’t have it. I won’t have it anymore.’
He slams the door of the cafe, walks away without as much as a glance over his shoulder.
