‘Me too,’ Laurie says.
‘Thank you,’ she calls after us once again.
As Laurie and I leave, all I can think about is Angus calling out Sophie’s name.
I fight the tears, overcome with exhaustion and emotion.
It’s over.
Over before it even began.
29
Milla wraps her arms around me. We’re alone in her kitchen, Dave is upstairs bathing the twins. I haven’t stopped crying since the moment I arrived, the shock of the day finally catching up with me, like a storm that was brewing.
After I left St Mary’s, Laurie and I returned by cab to the night-shelter, where Ian was waiting outside, his loyalty touching. While she said she was fine, I was relieved to know she wouldn’t be spending the rest of the day alone. As for me, Harriet insisted I take the afternoon off. I spent most of it at home, in a daze.
Empty is how I felt. Relieved for Angus, but empty inside.
When Milla called to see if I wanted to spend the evening with her, I didn’t hesitate. I needed someone to talk to, to make sense of my scrambled thoughts. I needed my best friend.
‘It’s been a shocking day, it’s not surprising you feel like this,’ she says, the smell of her perfume familiar, her touch comforting. ‘But the main thing is Angus is going to be OK.’
‘Milla,’ I say, withdrawing from her touch.
‘What is it?’ she asks, recognising from my tone there’s something else playing on my mind.
‘It’s Angus.’
‘What about him?’ she asks, pulling up a stool and sitting next to me.
I cover my face with my hands. ‘Don’t hate me.’
‘I could never hate you. Did something happen between you?’
‘Yes.’
Milla holds my hand as she waits. I inhale deeply, before reminding her about the night we went out dancing, to celebrate Angus’s new job. She nods, encouraging me to go on. I pick up my glass of wine, take a sip, before returning to that night.
‘You were right. I am in love with him,’ I confess. ‘I am hopelessly in love with him.’
‘Oh, Holly,’ Milla says, taking me into her arms.
I knew it when I heard him standing up for Laurie at Pat’s nursing home. I knew it when I called the ambulance, praying so hard that Angus wouldn’t die. I knew how much I loved him when the doctor told me he’d said Sophie’s name because my heart died, for the second time.
‘We kissed,’ I tell Milla. ‘The night we went out, he came back to my place.’
I recall every cell in my body wanting him as he’d unzipped the back of my dress. His phone rang. I was relieved when he ignored it. We kissed once more; his phone rang again. It was as if we were competing against one another for Angus’s attention.
The phone won. ‘It’s Sophie,’ Angus said, sobering me up instantly.
‘We didn’t sleep together,’ I tell Milla. ‘We probably would have done, but the moment she called Angus left.’
‘Why had she called?’ Milla asks.
‘She’d been trying all night. The music was loud, he hadn’t heard, hadn’t even looked at his phone. Benjie had spent the day in hospital. She wanted him to come over. He was at home, crying for his dad. She couldn’t do it on her own anymore. She needed him.’
That call killed the mood, bringing us both back to reality. I can see Angus now, putting his coat on as he rushed towards the front door. The look in his eye when he apologised was humiliating. ‘Go,’ I said, unable to maintain eye contact. After he’d left, I locked the door behind him, before sinking to the floor, and crying, hating myself for wishing he’d stayed.
