Lauren hesitates, before finally she says, ‘I eat.’
‘Well, eating healthily can really help our mental health, but I imagine it’s difficult managing your diet.’ Dr Stratton continues, ‘You probably eat what you’re given?’
Lauren doesn’t reply.
Dr Stratton is aware she’s hearing only half the story. ‘When you say you eat, I’m curious what you mean?’
‘I sneak eat. Chocolate, crisps, cake.’
‘It’s not uncommon Lauren, don’t worry, people often turn to food for comfort, but eating unhealthily probably won’t help your mood in the long run, so we need to find other strategies that might help.’
Dr Stratton isn’t put off by Lauren’s silence. ‘Another thing we can think about is exercise. Do you do any exercise, Lauren?’
‘A bit.’
She doesn’t do any! Mind you, nor do I. Nor does Angus. We’re fine ones to talk. Here we are, pushing Lauren to see a doctor when we’re hardly fine specimens of health ourselves.
‘I can’t say what kind of exercise might work for you, because we’re all so different. I love wild swimming. My husband is never going to get into freezing cold water, he prefers gardening. It’s about finding something you enjoy. I’m not about to send you off to a boot camp, don’t panic.’
‘Thank God for that,’ says Angus. ‘You’d have to pay me to do that.’
Dr Stratton smiles, clearly charmed by him. ‘I could refer you to an exercise scheme, Lauren, where you get help with gym membership?’
She couldn’t look less enthused. I wouldn’t be too keen on the idea of entering a gym surrounded by women and teens in Lycra pants and cropped tops either.
‘I’m wondering if swimming could be an option?’ the doctor continues. ‘It could relieve your back pain? Swimming is excellent because it doesn’t put any pressure on your joints.’
Lauren doesn’t respond. I feel like we’re on a sinking ship.
‘Well, I’ll leave it with you,’ Dr Stratton says. ‘What I need you to do is book a time to come in for a blood test at the reception before you leave, and what do you think about the option of medication, Lauren?’ From the blank look on Lauren’s face, I still have this nagging feeling that little, if anything, is going to change. I can see Dr Stratton can’t force it but I dread Lauren returning to the night-shelter, sitting alone in her bedroom, with only her rucksack of chocolates, cigarettes and sadness for company. Maybe she’ll swallow a few mind-numbing tablets with a fizzy drink, before she feels guilty, depressed and lonely again. We all need a reason to live, don’t we, we all need meaning, but the hard part is how we find it. For me, any kind of meaning disappeared after Jamie died. In those early months after his funeral, my life meant nothing without him. It’s still hard. Look at how I reacted after Angus didn’t show up for our lunch date. Milla was taken up with her family. Even Mum didn’t have time to talk. It felt as if everyone had purpose, everyone led busy, meaningful lives, except me. And it hurt.
‘While I think exercise is the best option, I could prescribe you some anti-depressants for six months to see if that might take the edge off your low mood and help you put some of the things we have talked about in place,’ Dr Stratton suggests.
A diet alone isn’t going to change Lauren’s life. Or an anti-depressant. She needs something to get up for. A purpose. And so do I. My heart is beating faster. She can prescribe anti-depressants, sleeping tablets and painkillers, but unfortunately there is no tablet that can undo the damage of Lauren’s childhood. It’s like a tattoo, inked in her memory, forever. There’s got to be something else.
‘Why don’t I help?’ I blurt out, wondering why I didn’t think of it before. I know I want to drink less, eat better, get fit, so… ‘I mean, why don’t I help Lauren with an exercise programme?’
Angus turns to me.
The more I think about it the more it makes sense. ‘We could do some gentle exercises in the park, Lauren, maybe a bit of walking or jogging or I could take you swimming? Iloveswimming,’ I pretend, thinking the last time I went was at school, trying to master the butterfly stroke, unsuccessfully.
‘I’ve got an even better plan,’ says Angus. ‘The three of us get fit together. Look at me! I’m seriously out of shape and need to quit smoking.’
‘I’m not giving up smoking,’ Lauren says with fierce determination and I sense Dr Stratton decides to leave that subject for today.
‘We don’t have to go anywhere near a gym, Lauren,’ Angus goes on. ‘As Holly said, we can stick to the park.’
Dr Stratton waits for Lauren to reply. I sense she is somewhat bemused by the three of us, yet at the same time I’m certain she’s willing Lauren to agree. When no reply is forthcoming Dr Stratton says, ‘I think this sounds a wonderful plan, don’t you? I’m happy to prescribe something for you today, but exercise can have huge benefits to your health, it might improve your back pain, and it can prevent significant problems in later life, Lauren. And it’s much more fun doing exercise with friends.’
‘Yeah, we could make itfun,’ Angus reinforces, trying to make himself believe it as much as Lauren. ‘I mean, you should see me run. That will make you laugh.’
‘We could support one another, form a WhatsApp group and everything,’ I say.
‘The Three Fitness Freaks,’ Angus suggests.
‘We can work on the name,’ I add.
We all wait. ‘Lauren?’ Dr Stratton presses. I sense she wants her to say ‘yes’ almost as much as we do. ‘What do you think?’
