‘Never been to a doctor.’
Dr Stratton does appear to be struck by this. ‘Never? Not even as a child?’
‘Nope.’
‘Do you think you could be a little depressed, Lauren?’
‘Probably. Dunno. Yes, maybe.’ She stares at the floor again.
Dr Stratton clears her throat. ‘I need to ask a couple of questions now, to make sure you’re safe. These questions might feel a little odd, but we have to ask. Have you ever had thoughts about harming yourself?’
We wait.
‘Lauren?’ the doctor prompts. ‘This is important for us to know.’
‘No,’ she says finally, avoiding eye contact with any of us, and there is nothing definite about that ‘no’. ‘But what’s the point? You know, what would happen if I wasn’t here?’
Dr Stratton nods. ‘Lauren, you’re not alone. So many of our patients come in here feeling the same way, but what’s important to us is if these are thoughts of what might happen to you, or if you feel you might do something to yourself.’
Lauren remains silent.
‘Lauren?’ Dr Stratton presses gently. ‘I understand this is hard.’
‘I won’t do nothing to hurt myself.’ Lauren continues to talk to the floor.
‘Could I ask what stops you?’
‘Don’t know.’
‘OK. If your thoughts ever change, will you come back and see me?’
Lauren nods.
‘I’m wondering if you had any ideas what we might do for you today, Lauren?’
She shakes her head.
‘So we have some options. We could wait and see how we go, but I get the feeling that you’ve done that for some time.’
I can tell by Dr Stratton’s tone how much she wants to do something for Lauren. I sense she sees in her someone who has never considered herself important enough to be helped.
‘I’m wondering if talking to someone could be an option?’ Dr Stratton suggests.
‘There’s a counsellor down the night-shelter,’ Lauren says.
‘If you could talk to someone there, that would be good as the waiting lists can be a bit long here. But if you have any problems, please let me know, and I can give you the details.’
‘Yeah, don’t bottle it up, Lauren,’ Angus reinforces. ‘You can talk to Holly and me too.’
‘I’d like it if you could come and see me again, so we can see how you’re getting on, and get to know each other a bit better. I don’t know if you’ve thought about taking medication for your mood?’
Lauren tells her she hasn’t.
‘That’s worth considering, but I feel talking therapies is the best option at this point, though if things don’t improve, we can think again. How does that sound, Lauren?’
I catch Angus’s eye. I sense he’s feeling restless too, that somehow this isn’t going to be enough. I fear Dr Stratton is going to say our time is up. What about her back pain? Her comfort eating? Her smoking? I mean, she has smoked since she was a child, that’s years of damage to her lungs. I want to tell the doctor Lauren can hardly walk across a room without stopping to recover her breath. And what if she self-harms? Then again, weallself-harm. Since Jamie’s death I’ve numbed myself with wine and junk food. Look at Angus, doing much the same. In so many ways, we’re no different from Lauren.
‘Lauren, I’m wondering if you have any other strategies to help your mood?’ Dr Stratton asks, increasing my restlessness. I mean, does Laurenlooklike the kind of person who would ever say the word ‘strategies’ let alone have them? I don’t have them either, and Angus certainly doesn’t. We’re strategy-free.
