Right now… I’m trying to trust what I’m feeling, that Toby Grahammeanssomething to me and I’m right where I’m meant to be. .
For the record, after eating the Pecan Pie… I thinkanyonewould wanna marry into the Graham family. So much so, that I make sure to get a copy to take home to Montana with me. If I can't bring them here, then I'm taking a bit of Bull Mountain back to my family.
14
TOBY
December
After a week of Dee being away, I'm crawling out of my skin in every way possible. I don't know why this time is different from when I was away in September, but it’s more intense in every way possible.
I make coffee for her every morning like I’m on autopilot before realizing that she’s not here. We even went to the Cow the other night and it just wasn’t the same without her there kicking our asses and grinning over the table at me.
Last night might have been the worst though. Unable to stop myself, I snuck into her room and stole a pillow right off her bed. I put it next to mine and for the first time since she’d been gone, I slept like a baby. Rolling over this morning and smelling the apple cinnamon scent of her shampoo made me smile before I'd even opened my eyes. Of course, I've put it back in her room now because I don't want to seem creepy or anything. It was for comfort, pure and simple. But it brought me peace and settled me. That’s enough for me.
Austin, Rhett, and Landry have been giving me concerned looks, especially after yesterday when I bit their heads off for doing it and told them that I was fine for the tenth time this week.
It’s likely why Austin grabbed me after the morning chores today and informed me we were going into town for supplies.
Since I knew we didn't need any supplies, I figured this was going to be an intervention of sorts.
Once we're both seated at the diner and our malt shakes, burgers, and fries are delivered for us, I open my mouth to say something but he beats me to it.
“You’ve gotta tell her,” he says.
I frown, stirring the straw in my malt shake. "Tell her what?"
Austin leans back, his gaze fixed on me. "You know damn well what. Why are you waitin’ to tell Dee about the Call when you two could be together already and you wouldn't be mopin' around the ranch all day every day like you have been? If you're not bitin' our heads off, you're in your own little world with the saddest lost look on your face. And that's only when you're not workin’ yourself to exhaustion every day." He's not wrong about the working thing. It's the best way to keep myself distracted. "Is this the Call at work? Makin’ you miserable that you've even gotRedworried about you?"
My head jerks up. "He is?"
"Yep. He's about ready to make up some emergency so that he can call Dee back early."
"No. You can't do that. It's her only trip home for the holidays. She's not even goin' back for Christmas. I'll be fine,” I reply.
"Riiight... and I'm a monkey's uncle."
I tilt my head, squinting as if trying to see it. "You are? Who's the monkey?"
"You’re bein' one right now, you ass," he chuckles before his smile drops. “Seriously, Tobes. I know you’re waitin’ for her to come to you, but we can all see it’s affectin’ you.”
“I’mfine.”
"You could just tell her that the books y’all read are based on true stories. She’s readin’ our family history and that of the other mountains without even realizin’ it. I’m amazed she hasn’t connected the dots yet herself,” he says before attacking his cheeseburger like a ravenous bear.
I sigh, the weight of his words settling heavily on my shoulders. He's right. I've been waiting for it to click that she's reading about exactly what's happening between us but now it's been almost five months and we've had an almost moment, countless longing stares, multiple bouts of heart palpitations, and a forehead kiss that I'm still fixated on because it was damn-near perfect.
"But what if she doesn't feel ituntilshe knows? I want her to want me for me, not just because the mountain spirit has waved her wand and gone 'you're goin’ to fall in love withthisguy'."
He stares at me like I've grown another head. "If you don’t know she's already halfway there, if not more so, then you're just plain blind. The way she smiles when you're around? The way anyone can see that you two gravitate toward each other? Trust me, Tobes, if I had a woman who lit up for me the way she does around you, I'd claim her then and there."
"Hello! I used to say thatbeforeall of this happened. I figured there was no point wastin' time with the fallin' part when you know you'll end up together anyway."
"But?"
"But, it's different when you're goin' through it. Iwanther to want me. Want her tofeelthe way I feel just from lookin' at her...thinkin'about her."
"Damn, you've got it bad."
