It’s like Cora has reached into my brain and plucked out my exact thoughts. I’m only leaving for a few weeks but it’s goin’ to be the first time feeling what it might be like when Idoleave Bull mountain for good.
What I need to work out is why just the possibility of that is making my chest ache.
As we setthe table for our Ranch-giving dinner, laughter fills the air. Toby, with his mischievous grin, playfully tosses a dinner roll at Landry, who retaliates by chasing him around the kitchen. Cora joins in the fun, pretending to referee and shouting commands like she's at an NFL game, which makes Star laugh her butt off. Even the usually stoic Red is chuckling at theirbehavior with the more quiet, intense Graham brother, Austin, staying out of the way of flying food from his spot in the corner.
I’m struck with an overwhelming sense of gratitude as I watch everyone. Back in Montana, Scott and Dillon would probably be doing the same thing, except Dad would be the referee and they'd all be playing a game of Thanksgiving food football on the dinner table with an exasperated Mom being torn between laughing and growling at them.
It’s just adding to the conflicted feeling I have about leaving here and missing home. I love it here, almost as much as in Montana. I love it here enough to want to stay here for longer than I'd usually stayanywhere.There's just something about the way I felt since I got here that I haven't been able to put my finger on, but all I can do is liken it to being right where I should be–right place, right time, righteverything.
On this ranch nestled in the heart of Alaska, I've found something rare—a true sense of belonging. The conflict is on top of the way I feel about the man who’s currently sitting on top of Landry’s back, crowing triumphantly about winning.
“Age before beauty, sucker!” Toby calls out, wriggling his butt against Landry.
Rhett barks out a laugh. “You do know you just called him prettier than you, right?”
Landry uses Toby’s distraction to buck himself free so that both men are now sitting on the kitchen floor trying to catch their breath. My breath catches when Toby watches me for a second before his lips tip up and he winks. A wave of warmth washes over me and I have to look away before I start blushing like a schoolgirl with a crush–which is exactly how I feel..
It brings something I've thought about a lot to the forefront of my mind. Do I want to risk it all for a chance at finding everything with him? Could there even be such a thing as fate bringing people together just like all of the romance novels I've been reading?
What happens if we try and itdoesn'tlead to where we both want it to? What do I do then?
"You're thinkin' awfully hard over there," Red says quietly from his seat beside me. "You worried about goin' home and not wantin' to come back? Cause we'd miss you somethin' fierce but we'd all understand. Well,mostof us would."
My head jerks to his all-knowing blue eyes. "We haven't... I mean, we didn't–"
"Breathe, Dee. Didn't mean anythin' by it and won't ever interfere unless I see two people I care about makin' a dumb decision about somethin' that should be as simple as breathin'. I'm just sayin', I want you to remember that you're not tied to the land here like we are–" I open my mouth to argue but he keeps going. "But, you're a part of the ranch family now whether you like it or not. Don't think I need to tell you anythin' about that man that you haven't already figured out for yourself. I just think that while you're away, maybe you should think about whether your wanderin' feet will ever stop movin’. Because if youwereto ever find a place to take a permanent break, where would you want it to be andwhowould you want it to be with?"
I think that might be one of the most profound things I've ever had said to me. “OK.”
“You’ll do it?” he asks. “Because I wanna make one thing clear, you’re welcome here as long as you wanna be here. No limits, notfor just a season, or till next Summer. You have a place at this table, a job on this ranch, abedto lay your head, whenever you want it, for as long as you want it. Go back home tomorrow with that in the back of your mind, yeah? Can you do that for me?”
I nod, my eyes stinging with happy unshed tears. I don’t try to hide them, I just turn to him and nod, letting him see just how moved and grateful I am. “Thanks, Red. Appreciate it,” I whisper roughly.
In my next breath, Toby’s standing next to Red looking down between the two of us with heavy concern etched on his face. “What’s wrong, Skippy? What happened?” He glares at Red. “What did youdo?
Red claps him on the arm, shaking his head. “Nothin’ bad, Tobes. Just tellin’ Dee here that she’s welcome to stay for as long as she wants. She’s one of us now, ain’t that right?”
“Sure as heck she is. I can’t make coffee just for me? That would be wasteful,” he says, visibly relaxing.
“You make her coffee? Austin asks, brows arched high. "You never mademeanythin’ when I was in the bunkhouse.”
“Me either, come to think of it,” Landry pipes up. “Maybe he doesn’t like us as much.”
“Aww, don’t worry you two. Maybe I just like treatin’ our ranch hands better than my own family.”
“Bet you do,” Rhett murmurs, making my eyes bug out. My gaze slides to Cora and Star who are nodding at me with huge grins on their faces.
“So you’re OK?” Tobes asks again, as if needing reassurance.
“Yeah, Tobes. I’m good, I promise.”
“Good. Now brace yourself, because you haven’t put anythin’ better in your mouth than Mama’s Pecan pie recipe. I swear, you taste it, you’ll bebeggin’me to marry ya,” he says with a wink before turning his back and walking away.
“He was jokin’...” Red says with a chuckle. “I think…”
The thing is… I’m not sure after our chat a few weeks ago.
“Let’s see what happens with our slow burn, Skippy. Just trust your gut and trust whatever you’re feelin’, whenever you’re feelin’ it.
