“And I would pay for what I need how?”
“I won’t charge you rent. I’ll give you food. Just stop doing this to yourself.”
“I can’t.”
“Talk to me,” he pleaded.
My eyes drifted to Rory, where he stood by the front of the studio. He was my brother’s guard, his shadow whenever he left his home, along with Hartley’s rottweiler, Duchess. Giveneverything that had happened to Hartley, Vail, and Jordan in the past, I was surprised Jordan didn’t have six guards on him. At least it was quiet now—no current threats.
“Ignore him. He won’t say anything.”
“It’s true,” Rory said. I knew he was listening.
Sighing, I told my brother, “If I work, I stay busy. My mind doesn’t drift. I don’t think about what a shitty person I am and how I fucked everything up. I have no friends, Hart, not outside of you and V. Why would anyone want to be near me? Nothing good happens when they are.” I’d called Vail V since we were younger and ran around the neighborhood doing things we shouldn’t.
“First of all, that’s bullshit. You can come to the building and hang out with any of the guys, especially Lane and his men. He’s family. They all are. Everyone who’s part of this organization has each other to lean on. I get that it’s not easy given who they are, but there is no one better to have on your side.”
“Except when I treated one of their own terribly.”
“Fuck, are we on this again? Fix it if it’s making you miserable. It’s not that hard to talk to Sheldon. The man doesn’t sleep, so it’s not like you have to worry about waking him up. Walk into the building at three in the morning and have a conversation. The guards will let you in. You have clearance. Find Sheldon in an air duct and speak to him.”
“He goes into the air ducts?” I thought only people in movies did that.
“Not usually, but he’s a strange dude. My point is, go there and apologize. Maybe then you’ll get off this incessant need to work all the time. I’ll say it again. Quit your fucking job. Come work for me. I’m doing very well.” He grinned. Hartley didn’t have to tell me that though. I could see it every time I walked down here. He was always hard at work with a pile of orders waiting to be filled.
“We’d end up hating each other.”
“Fine, then go work for someone else, but stop traveling so much. I miss having you around. When you’re not here, I worry.”
“I’m not drinking.” I wouldn’t again.
He sighed. “I know. I just… This was our second chance. I thought we were doing good, but then you took this promotion, and I hardly see you. It sucks.” It had only been a handful of months since I’d taken the role. In that time, I was gone often.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Hurting my brother was the last thing I wanted to do. He meant everything to me, and so did Vail.
“I didn’t say it so you’d apologize. You belong with us, not traveling to different states for work. I want you home.” The emotion that bled through his words hit me in the chest.
The only reason I kept pushing for travel was because of me, of how I fucked up and couldn’t face Sheldon. Or the fact I wanted him so damn much. I was a mess.
“Look, we didn’t have the best childhood until we moved in with Pop. He changed everything, but the damage was already done. We’re left to live with the trauma of what happened. None of it was easy. Losing him was brutal, but we got through it. I have the kind of life I could only dream of with men who make me so happy I could cry in joy. I want that for you too.”
I shook my head and dropped my gaze to my closed laptop. “I don’t know if it’s possible.”
“For, I’m not asking you to tell me who you’re attracted to or confess everything. That’s for you to say when and if you’re ready. What I do care about is your happiness. Do what’s going to make you smile. I don’t think you’ll be able to until you’ve made peace with those you’ve hurt. And before you ask, no, that doesn’t include me. Just think about it.” He leaned forward and hugged me. “Now, if you’d like to help, you can go in the back and find me supplies.” He handed me a list.
Without another word, I stood and made my way to his storage area. Luckily, I’d been around him enough to understand what he was asking me to get. It didn’t take me too long to gather it.
My arms were full as I headed back out to the main floor, not paying attention to the conversation around me. I was good at picking up keywords as needed. Other than that, I’d rather not know shit. If I did, I worried. My brother and best friend being in a relationship with a mafia boss gave me anxiety.
I was almost to the table when some of the fabric fell and began unraveling. Quickly, I put everything else down and bent to pick up what I’d dropped, but my hands met another’s.
It was like something out of a movie when everything around the characters seemed to be going at a regular speed, while the two main ones were living in slow motion as their eyes met.
The moment Sheldon’s grayish-blue eyes met mine, I couldn’t speak. My lips parted. My brain screamed at me to say something, anything. Nothing came out. A blush quickly heated my cheeks. Fuck’s sake. I was a disaster in front of him.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I had no clue if he hated me. Sheldon’s voice was calm and even.
I nodded, then looked down where my fingers gripped the gray fabric tightly. “I…”Apologize!my brain screamed. My mouth spoke, “I need to get this to my brother.” Sure, that was what I should have said.
