“We can’t,” Oleander answered before I could. “We’re due back for a meeting.”
“That’s a shame. At least take some soup with you.” We would. We always did. Passing up on soup made with love was a hell no.
Oleander’s parents were retired, had been for years. After working corporate jobs and commuting into the city, they retired as soon as they could and moved to this cottage in the woods, where a creek ran along the property and deer grazed nearby. It was out of a fairy tale. Not mine, but theirs.
I preferred the city, loved riding my motorcycle through the streets, feeling the power of the job I had, and reveling in the thrill of killing people. Wow, that sounded terrible. I really shouldn’t think such things in this home.
Colleen spoke to spirits. She didn’t share her gift with others, choosing to keep it to her family and friends to help them when necessary. Her herbs and vegetables were sold at a local farmer’s market in the summer months. They didn’t need the income, but it gave her something to do.
It was good for her to believe in what she did. I was content to live a life of misery, pining for a man who wanted nothing to do with me, while guarding the back of a mafia boss. Boring, my life was not.
My foot started to cramp from not moving, so I lifted it, irritating Celeste, who hissed at me and left the room. Pets were for other people, just like babies. I was glad to have none of my own.
We said our goodbyes, were hugged and kissed, and told how much we were loved. On more than one instance, I thought I didn’t deserve these people. Not just Colleen and Davis, but Oleander too. He’d been with me through my highs and lows. He stood by my side when I picked up my mom’s ashes and was there when I put them in the ground. There was no one I trusted more than him.
“Are you going to listen to her?” he asked on the drive back to Jordan’s building.
“About making a move on Forest? No. I only do what she says when I might die if I don’t.”
He nodded. Oleander wasn’t skeptical, but he also didn’t practice what his mom did. “Your situation is different than mine.”
“Yeah, yours is easier, yet you still don’t do shit about it.”
“Say what you really feel.”
I smiled and gave him a light shove. I didn’t need him running off the road. “Sylvan only has eyes for you.”
“I can’t… He’s too sweet, too…”
“Perfect for you. He’s just what you need, Ollie. Someone to balance out the bullshit with good.”
“How about you don’t give me love advice until you have Forest by your side and you two finally have a conversation?”
“I’m not chasing him anymore. He’s made it clear he doesn’t think of me like I do of him.”
If I hadn’t been watching Oleander, I still would have known he rolled his eyes. “I get that you want someone who wants you. That’s how it should be. You’re an amazing man who deserves a partner who values you. But you won’t know that it’s not Forest until you speak to him. You might not see him much anymore, although you still think about him. You keep your eyes on the back door in Hartley’s studio when you’re on his detail. There’s only one way to find out if he has feelings for you, Shel, but you have to leap to get your answer.”
Staring out the window, I thought about Oleander’s words. What could I say? He was right. To get the answer to my question, I’d have to stick out not only my neck, but my heart as well.
“If I talk to Forest, your mom is going to have a lot to say,” I told Oleander.
“Of course she is. She wants us to be happy. You torturing yourself over Forest isn’t getting you there. Talking to him could. I’m not saying you have to do it today; work your way up to it. Regardless of what you do or don’t do, I’ll always have your back.”
“Ditto.”
If I finally got up the courage to talk to Forest, at least I’d have Oleander to go to when my heart was crushed and all hope of anything with Forest died.
4
FOREST
I was proof it was possible to turn into someone you hated. I’d always been the type to work hard, but when I was off the clock, I wasn’t working. That person was gone. Now I worked all the time. Not because I had a ton to do, but because it was easier to do that than socialize or be present for gatherings. Although, I did make it down to Hartley’s studio to spend time with him.
“You’re becoming worse than me,” my brother said.
“Hmm?” I lifted my gaze from my laptop to find him staring at me.
He closed the lid. “You have to do something, anything. Get out of my studio and the apartment. Quit your fucking job. Jesus, For, live your life.” Leave it to Hartley to put me in my place.
