I slouched on the couch, my body becoming heavy as my eyes started to close. It had been a hell of a day. My job was no more. Sheldon had shut down when I apologized. And I applied for positions I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t calling it a win by any means, but it was definitely progress.
If I were lucky, my brother would talk to Sheldon and get some information out of him, so I knew where to go from here. Sheldon and I weren’t close. I still didn’t want to lose the fragile relationship we had. It was my fault. I damaged what we were building on. By going to see him today, I thought I would have come further along in expressing myself to him. Instead, it was like I took a dozen steps back.
My body sank deeper into the couch. The pillow bunched under my head, and the throw blanket I kept out here draped over my legs. The movie ended, and another began, an old black-and-white drama. I was too tired to put on something lighter.
As sleep crept in, the heaviness of my body intensified; all I kept picturing was Sheldon and how he shut down. I had to find out why, so I could fix it. Going backward wasn’t where I wantedto be. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what the future held for me, although Sheldon belonged there. In what capacity, there was no way to guess. I had to apologize. For what? Damned if I knew. I wouldn’t let time pass again where I stayed away and silent. It hadn’t gotten me anywhere.
7
SHELDON
After a day off, where I napped instead of getting a decent amount of sleep, and a night of restlessness while I paced, I was more exhausted than usual. I couldn’t get the conversation with Forest out of my head. I thought we were making progress. He was finally opening up to me, and bam, I was called a friend. I could have been called a lot worse, but a friend fucking hurt.
It was delusional of me to think we could be anything else. No matter how many times someone told me Forest watched me or how he looked at me differently, or how many times I saw him blush, I was nothing more than a friend to him.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he cared about me. That much was obvious. But it was a friendship he wanted and nothing more. Fine. Message received.
My head got it, but my heart was still beating its sad song, wishing it was a different conversation we’d had.
I was in my secret poison closet. There wasn’t an assignment for me today. No one to guard. Nowhere for me to go. So it was inventory time. I had a lot of vials in here, some bigger than others. Just because some were tiny didn’t mean they weren’t as deadly. Or maybe it was that I used the super deadly stuff more often, so I needed it in bulk. No one would ever know but me.
My phone vibrated on the shelf. Colleen’s name flashed on the screen. Since I was busy using my hands to put my pretty bottles in order to make a list of what I needed more of, I answered it and put it on speaker.
“Morning,” I greeted.
“What did he say to you?”
“Who?”
“You know damn well who. Don’t play with me, Shel. I know you’re not your usual self, and by that I mean you’re frowning more.” I shouldn’t be surprised. Oleander’s mom had a freakish connection to me, even though I wasn’t her son by blood.
“Why do you ask when you know the answer?”
“I can’t see it all. Don’t be ridiculous.”
I rolled my eyes. She couldn’t see me. Then again, maybe she could. “I’m not sure what to say. The man I’m interested in called me a friend.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. Good times.” I made a note on a piece of paper with an item I needed to reorder. I blamed Jordan for making deals with assholes. If he didn’t, I’d have more of this. At least he funded my hobby. This shit was expensive.
“Are you certain he meant it?”
I paused and stared at the phone. “Elaborate.”
“I didn’t see anything, if that’s what you’re getting at. Honestly, sometimes you think I’m crazy, and other times you want my information. Make up your mind.”
“I’d still like you to elaborate.”
“What if he’s afraid? He could have been worried about opening himself up for fear of rejection.”
“He’s never been interested in men before.”
“You love to make your life difficult, don’t you?”
“Gotta keep it interesting. After all, I need a reason to prowl the halls, as some say.”
“You don’t prowl. Celeste does. Anyway, I don’t think you should give up. It’s obvious he means something to you. You’re not a quitter.”
