“I forgive you. I wasn’t sure I would be able to. But it turned out to be easier than I thought when I realized you only have the power to hurt me because I let you. So I’m taking my power back. Maybe one dayKatyand Jake will forgive you. But not today. You see, while I might mean nothing to you, to Katy and Jake, I mean the world. And you tried to take me from them.
“It’s like you said, you made adult decisions, and they come with adult consequences. When you realize that, then maybe, one day, you’ll forgive yourselves too.”
I’m waiting for her when she steps into my arms, the guys pressing in close to let her know they’re here. Katy burrows under my arm, so I pull her into our embrace.
I hear murmurs of support from the gallery and pull back so I can look up. I’m surprised to see so many familiar faces, people I never expected to come. It takes me a moment to realize they didn’t come for my parents. They came for us—for me, for Katy—but mostly they came for Sorrow.
I see the looks of regret and sympathy on their faces. Their actions and words caused a young girl a shitload of pain, yet she stands tall and defiant. The town that once turned its back on her now hovers nearby with open arms. It won’t be easy, not for any of us. The animosity and anger I feel can only be a fraction of what Sorrow experiences, and I was also part of the problem. I’m not sure I’ll ever get rid of the guilt that churns in my stomach. What I did, the things I said, and those goddamned bruises will haunt me to the end of my days. I won’t ask her for forgiveness. I deserve every punch of regret I feel. I don’t want her forgiveness to wipe away the reality that I fucked up. I want to remember it for the rest of my time here on earth because it’s the only way I know I won’t fuck up again. All I have to do is close my eyes, and I can picture the devastated look on her face the day of the funeral. Her pain was so stark it almost consumed me. At the time, I thought it was all for her, but she only ever hurt for us. She kept her secrets to spare us exactly what we’re going through right now.
We persecuted a fucking child for the sins of another when she was the only one who acted with maturity and grace.
I kiss Katy’s temple when the judge orders everyone to take their seats while the jury leaves to deliberate. Once they’re gone, we all leave. This next part could take between hours and days for them to make up their minds. It’s not like the movies where everything happens overnight. It is also not on the same scale as a homicide case, even though it feels like something profound was lost in this room.
“Come on, let’s get out of here for a while,” I tell everyone once we’re given permission to leave. The press is on the steps, waiting for answers, but we keep walking. I don’t know how Matilda deals with this shit day in and day out.
“Come over to our place. Matilda’s ordered in some food,” Aiden tells everyone. I look at Sorrow and wait until she nods.
We all head out to our vehicles, with Katy opting to ride with Marcus, giving me and Sorrow a little alone time.
“How you feeling?”
“I’m not sure. I thought I’d feel more…not sure what exactly—anger, happiness, grief. Mostly, I feel numb to it all. I think I’m just ready to move on and put it all behind me.”
“I get that. This whole thing has been like an albatross around your neck.”
“True. The worst part is you get used to it. When people start treating you as less—because, you know, I’m a convicted criminal, and they are so much better than me—you start to believe them. Hard not to question your life choices when you end up in a cell with nothing to do but think about all the mistakes you made.”
I reach over and take her hand, resting it on my thigh as I keep my eyes on the road.
“It will take some getting used to.”
“What will?”
“People being nice to me. I keep expecting it to all be some kind of elaborate hoax.”
“I get that, even though I fucking hate it.”
“Me too. One day, I want to wake up and do normal things—like making coffee, going to work, or for a walk, maybe meet friends for lunch—and do it all without thinking about Alec or your parents once. I’d like to wake up without fear because, for those few moments, I think I’m waking up back in jail. The only thing I don’t want to forget is my baby. But I don’t want to carry around this grief and guilt anymore, either. I think, after this, no matter the verdict or what happens with my appeal, I want to say goodbye to the darkness that’s been a part of my life for so long. I need to close the door on it all to move on. It’s time to wipe the slate clean.”
I lift her hand and kiss the back of it. “You tell me what you need from me, and I’ll be there every step of the way.”
“Just like that?”
“Exactly like that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything, you know that.”
“Why do you want me?”
I whip my head around, wondering if I heard her right.
“Is it because you feel guilty about everything?”
“You think I’m with you because I feel guilty?” I ask incredulously,
“Okay, well, when you say it like that, it sounds dumb,” she mutters.
