He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and places his lips against my forehead. “You stay with me, and we start over. We deserve a chance to see where this goes, Sorrow. But I think you deserve more than a quick fuck against the wall. You deserve flowers and dancing, holding hands and date nights. I want to show you everything you missed out on.”
I close my eyes and breathe him in, and something inside me shifts. I open my eyes and find him watching, waiting for my answer.
“Hi, I’m Sorrow. I live next door and I’m hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you.”
He chokes out a startled laugh before kissing me softly. “Hi, I’m Banner, and I’m the guy that’s going to marry you one day, sweetheart.”
“Jake Bannerman, did you just ask me to marry you while I’m half naked and covered in snot?” I scold lightly.
“No, Sorrow. I’m not asking. I’m telling you. One day, when you’re ready, you’re going to wear my ring, share my name, and carry my babies. And they will grow up safe in the knowledge that they have a little guardian angel looking down upon them.”
I smile through my tears and press my lips against his. We stay like that for the rest of the night.
I don’t know why I’m here. There is nothing good I can gain from coming, and yet after last night’s revelations, I had to come.
I stand at the entrance of the cemetery that I ran from six years ago, clenching and unclenching my hands as I stand frozen at the iron gates, torn between facing my demons and running from them. I press my head against the bars, warring with myself when I catch a glimpse of blonde out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head, knowing what I’ll see.Katy. Kneeling in front of her brother’s grave with her whole body shaking so hard I can see it from here.
Shit, I can’t leave now. God fucking damnit. I push the heavy gate open, surprised that it doesn’t groan at me, and make the trek to the last place on earth I should be.
“I hate you.” Her words choke me, making my stomach clench as I remember her brother saying the same thing. I’m about to turn on my heel, but she isn’t talking to me. She’s talking to the marble stone before her.
“I hate that I will never be good enough for them. I hate that I have to live in your shadow. But most of all, I hate that they refuse to acknowledge what you were really like, or what you did to me.” My blood runs cold as her words register. Oh no, please no.
I sit beside her, making her jump. She was so lost in her grief that she hadn’t even heard me approach.
“Shit, Sorrow, you scared the crap out of me,” she tells me while furiously swiping her eyes. “How much did you hear?” she asks me softly.
I look at her, letting her see the truth in my eyes.
“Right,” she whispers, looking away. I don’t like that. I don’t want her ever to feel ashamed. I harbor enough shame for both of us. I wrap my arm around her and pull her gently until she rests her head on my shoulder. I let her cry against me and run my fingers through her hair as she lets everything go.
“He hurt you, too, didn’t he?” she finally asks. I tense, but I won’t lie to her. I nod against the top of her head.
“I didn’t really get it, you know? Brothers and sisters fight. My friends at school all fought with their brothers, so I thought it was normal, but…” She drifts off. I sit up straight and slide my finger under her chin and tip her head up, urging her to go on.
“He liked it. He liked hurting me. It got to the point where I was scared to be alone with him. I just kept thinking I was overreacting, but I wasn’t, was I?”
I shake my head. I took the brunt of his anger. I hate to think how much worse it would have been for her if I hadn’t been there.
“My parents talk about him like he was some kind of god. I tried to tell them so many times, but they played it off as if I were the issue. Now that he’s gone, they won’t hear a bad word said about him, and I’m still being forced to live in his shadow.”
I stand up and tug her up with me. This boy took enough from us. He doesn’t deserve any more of our time. She follows me quietly, her hand in mine as we make our way back to the gates. She doesn’t say anything until I swing them open.
“He wasn’t a good person, Sorrow. So why do I still love him?” Even though I know I should say something, I don’t have any answers. Love is fickle, it’s all-consuming, and it’s unpredictable. Love isn’t a choice we make with our heads but with our hearts. I guess in the end, we never expect to have that love used as a weapon and turned against us.
She doesn’t speak as I drive us back to the house in silence, surprised when I pull up to find Banner outside on the driveway with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I’ve been worried sick. You took off without a word to anyone.”
“For fuck’s sake, Banner. I’m seventeen and I’ve been gone for less than two hours,” she snaps as she climbs out of the van and stands beside the open door.
“Would it have been too much to ask that you tell Arlo or Marcus where you were going before you disappeared? They were worried too,” he scolds.
“For fuck sake, I just needed to be alone.”
“Jesus, Katy, can you stop being selfish for five fucking minutes?” She flinches like he struck her. I jump out of the van, ready to slap him, but Katy jumps in first.
“Well, according to Mom, that’s who I am. Just a selfish little bitch. How unfortunate for her that the wrong kid died.” She storms around him, evading his hands when he reaches out to stop her.
