I throw my head back and feel myself clamp down tightly around him. He growls my name a second before I feel him swell inside me.
He wraps his arms around me tightly. He keeps me moving when my legs have turned to jelly, so I can ride out the waves of pleasure. By the time we’re done, I’m completely limp in his arms.
“Who knew my happy place would be buried inside you?”
I lift my head and cup his jaw before kissing him softly. “You did. You always knew. You were just waiting for me to catch up.”
After helping me clean up—I mean stripping me off and fucking me in the shower—we both get redressed and head out.
“So where is it you want me to drop you off?”
With my van at the garage, I get to play passenger princess today. Unfortunately, that means I can’t get away with not telling him where I’m going.
“The cemetery.”
He’s quiet for a moment as we come to a stop at the junction.
“Do you want company? Katy won’t mind if I’m late.”
“No, this is something I need to do on my own.” I’m ready this time.
“You sure?”
When I offer him a nod and what I hope is a reassuring smile, he sighs and gives in.
“Okay, I’ll pick you up when I’m done. But if you need me, Sorrow, just call me and I’ll be there.”
“I know you will. But Katy needs you to be all about her today. I promise if it becomes too much, I’ll call one of the guys. How’s that?”
He grumbles but doesn’t argue. It can’t always be him who’s there for me.
“I know you worry, and I love you for it. But it’s because of you I have all these brothers now. You want me to feel comfortable calling them, right?”
“You know I do.”
“Good. Then stop worrying. I’m going to be fine.”
We pull up outside the cemetery and climb out. The wind has picked up, making my hair fly around my head. I wish I’d brought something warmer to go over my sundress than the thin little cardigan. This damn weather needs to make up its mind.
His arms encircle my waist. “I won’t be long.”
“Take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
He kisses the tip of my nose before walking back around to the driver’s side and climbing in. I wait until he’s out of sight before I slip through the gates and make my way to the first of two graves I’ve come to visit today.
I’m surprised to find the place empty. It’s always quiet—it’s a cemetery after all. But there is usually at least one other person here, paying respects and tending to flowers.
Walking over to my mom’s grave, I look down at her headstone and feel an unexpected pang of sadness for all that could have been, and all that was lost.
Claire Wells
1976-2025
That’s all it says. Imagine spending all that time on earth making connections with people from all walks of life and having nobody left to remember you except a girl you hated.
Thinking about it makes me feel bitter, and that’s not what I want. After finding the photos in her room that day, it’s weird to realize I have many things in common with her. I used to think she hated me because of how different we were, but maybe it wasn’t that. Perhaps it was that we were too alike, and she knew that nothing but heartache awaited me if I continued down the road I was traveling.
I wished she had told me. I wished I could say with a hundred percent certainty that I’d have believed her. That I’d have listened and altered my course. But first love for a teenage girl has the pull of gravity and the direction of a spinning compass. There is no rhyme or reason to it. You spin in dizzying circles until you get thrown from the wreckage, or you land on your feet and find your way home.
