By the time I get home and make myself something to eat, it’s getting dark. I flip the radio on for background noise and pull out a book. When I get uncomfortable, I move from the couch to the bedroom, taking a hot chocolate with me. I curl up and fall in love with another book boyfriend, wondering why they can’t be like this in real life.
When I hear a knock at the door, I frown, place my book down, and listen again, wondering if I imagined it. I don’t hear anything else and assume I was mistaken, but I get up to check anyway. I creep into the living room and walk silently to the door. I look out the spy hole but there’s no one there. I let my eyes drift closed for a moment as I focus on my erratic breathing.
I glance at the knife block and walk over to grab one before unlocking the door and peeking out. I see nothing until I glance down and see a glass vase filled with dandelions gone to seed. I cover my mouth with my hand, stunned for a moment. There is only one person who would have sent these: Midas. The man has never given me flowers, but I know this is all him. He’s the only person who has ever commented on my tattoo.
“How come you have a weed tattooed on your body?”
“You see a weed, I see wishes.”
I shake the memory away, picking up the vase and carrying it inside. I lock the door, place the vase on the counter, and stare at the fluffy seed heads for a minute. I’m honestly not sure what the heck I’m supposed to do. What does this even mean?
I can’t be objective when it comes to him. My wounds are still too raw and this feels like pouring salt into them. I’m not ready to wreck my progress to appease his guilt. So instead of messaging him like I want to, I turn my phone off and walk to the windows before drawing the blinds. I flip the switch, shutting off the light. If he’s out there watching and waiting for a reaction, he can make of that what he wants.
Chapter Twenty-One
LEGS
I put on a fake smile and take the offered tip, wishing the couple a good day before heading back to the counter to replace the coffee pot.
“Okay, spill. Something has been going on with you lately, and don’t say nothing. You’ve been quiet for weeks.”
I sigh, looking at Susie. I know she means well, but how do I tell her I’m being stalked by a shadow? I know it’s Midas, though I’ve not seen even a glimpse of him since that night in the hallway. I swear someday I’ll step outside my door and catch a whiff of his aftershave.
Vases of dandelion seed heads keep showing up on my doorstep, so I know he’s hand-delivering them. I’ve always been attuned to him, sensing when he entered a room or if he was nearby. It hasn’t changed, even with the animosity between us. We’re like a fucked-up and twisted yin and yang, two opposites eternally drawn to the other. So though I haven’t seen him, I know he’s there. I still don’t know why.
My neighbor hasn’t bothered me since that night. I hear him in the apartment occasionally, but not once has he blasted his music since his confrontation with Midas. The man must haveput the fear of God into him. That’s the only blessing to come from all this. Though I suspect it was the jerk off next door who stole all my underwear from my laundry before putting the rest outside my door. It’s not like I can prove it, though, and I’m not exactly going to knock and ask.
“I’m just not sleeping well, and some days it’s harder than others to make it through without falling over,” I tell her a half-truth. On the days I feel Midas is around, I sleep better, which leaves me pissed off when I wake up. The whole thing is taking its toll on me. No matter how I try to justify it in my head, this has moved beyond casual curiosity and into stalker territory. I don’t care what romance books say, there is nothing sexy about being stalked. I feel like prey being hunted. I can never fully relax and I’m always on edge, waiting for something to happen.
My anger at him has grown into this huge ball in my stomach that I swear is contributing to my morning sickness. But my growing hatred toward the man I still love doesn’t stop me from slipping my fingers between my legs and getting myself off to images of him fucking me hard. My crazy hormones are out of whack, and picturing Midas is the only thing that gets me to come. And even this, I see as a betrayal. It’s like he’s got my body on his side, making me a traitor to myself.
“Hazel?”
I jolt, realizing she’s said my name more than once. “I’m sorry, what?”
She looks concerned before she nods to the back. “Go take a break. Del wants to see you anyway.”
My shoulders drop, hoping I’m not about to get fired. I’ve been off my game lately, but dammit, I’m trying.
“Okay,” I whisper as I turn and head to Del’s office.
I tap on the door and wait for her to tell me to come in. When I do, she looks me over from head to toe before crossing her arms over her chest. “Okay spill, what the fuck is going on?”
I open my mouth to give her the same speech as Susie, but instead, a sob slips free. Her eyes widen before she scrambles out of her chair and runs to me.
“Don’t cry. I mean it, Hazel. Do not cry or I’ll fire you. You’ll set me off and I don’t cry, ever.”
I snort out a laugh as she guides me to the empty chair and makes me sit.
“Talk to me,” she urges. I’m so damn tired from trying to figure it all out on my own that I do. I let it all hang out, from the issues with my neighbor to Midas showing up and my suspicion that he is following me. By the time I’m done, I feel wrung out.
“Jesus, I don’t even know what to say. Actually, yes, I do. First things first, do you think you’re in danger?”
“From Midas? No.”
“No, Hazel, don’t just answer on instinct. Put how you feel about the man aside and go off his actions and reactions to you, especially the ones that led you here. Now I’m gonna ask you again: are you in danger?”
I close my eyes and think about my interactions with Midas over the years, all the times he’s hurt my heart and bruised my soul. I think about when I’ve yelled at him and when he’s yelled at me, and then I think about that day on the compound when everything came to a head, when he spewed his venom at me and irrevocably changed our future forever.
