She stops herself as I dip my head, hurt tightening my chest. She hasn’t said anything I don’t already know.
“I’m not a Raven. I know. I just wanted to know if everyone was okay, not state secrets.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, Legs. I didn’t mean it that way. There’s just been a lot that’s happened, that’s all. Give me a second to find somewhere quiet.”
I bite my lip and wait as I hear her moving around. “Okay, first up, Driller’s dead.”
“Oh, well, good. I mean, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.”
She snorts with laughter before filling me in on the rest, including what happened to Lola.
“That poor woman. I wonder if she has any idea how strong she is.”
“I bet she doesn’t feel strong,” Lil says gently.
“We never do. Doesn’t make it any less true, though, does it?”
“No, I guess not. Anyway, Havoc, Nevaeh, and some of the guys are going down to try and make amends.”
I wince. I’m not sure you can make amends for something like that. I mean, the hurt I felt toward Midas is all-consuming, and what he did to me is nothing in comparison to what was done to Lola. Not that it should stop him from trying.
“Are you going down with them?” Normally, club girls wouldn’t, but Lil is different.
“No, we’re swamped at the shelter and short-staffed to boot.” She sighs.
“I’d offer to help out, but there are just not enough hours in the day.”
“I know and appreciate you for it, but it might be a good thing you’re not here.”
“Ouch.”
“Oh shit, no, don’t take that wrong. If you told me you were coming home, I’d be so damn happy. It’s not that I don’t want you here, I swear. It’s just…” she curses before continuing. “I’m having a few issues.”
I lean forward. “What kind of issues, Lil?”
“The kind where someone is leaving me nasty notes.”
“What the fuck?”
“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry,” she jumps in.
“Wait, is this the guy you mentioned before who followed you home?”
“At this point, I hope so. One asshole is enough, don’t you think? Anyway, I’ve got the club involved. Kruger picks me up and drops me off and sometimes even stays. If he’s not with me, one of the prospects is. The club is taking it seriously, Legs, I promise.”
“Good, they should.”
“I miss you,” she whispers. “It’s not the same here without you. Midas is like a bear with a?—”
“Don’t. Please don’t, Lil. I can’t.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t mention him again. I just wanted you to know it’s not party central up here for him. He misses?—”
“My bus is here. I’ve gotta go. Love you, Lil.” I hang up before she can say anything else. I know she means well. Everyone always does. But all it does is remind me of everything I’ve lost.
I shove my cell in my bag just as the bus rolls in. I grab the change from my pocket before picking up the bags and heading toward it. Once the doors are open, I walk on, pay, and take the closest empty seat, keeping a tight hold on my groceries. My brain flashes back to Midas that day outside my door. I hate thisfor him. I hate this for me. I hate that this was how things ended, but it was only a matter of time before things imploded.
This is what he wanted, and somehow, I found the strength to walk away with my head held high. Now I need him to be the strong one and stay the fuck away from me because I’m not sure I have the strength to do it again. If I give in, I’ll hate myself, and I’ll hate him for letting me.
