The double meaning of her words isn’t lost on either of us.
“From now on, I’ll make the deposits or get a prospect to do it. It was irresponsible of me to put you in danger, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry, Legs.”
Her lips part in surprise before her expression softens. “Alright, you’re forgiven.”
I smile and lean in, dragging my nose down hers. I don’t kiss her, even though it kills me.
“About before…” she starts.
I pull back a little and sigh. “I’m not rational when it comes to you, Legs. I can’t help it.”
“You’re gonna have to get a handle on it. We can’t live like this forever.”
“I know. But not yet, Legs. I need more time.”
“Why? Nothing’s changed.”
“Because I’m not ready, dammit. I’m not ready to let you go.”
“Then ask me to stay,” she whispers. I open my mouth to tell her that’s exactly what I want when she covers my mouth with her hand. “Not as a bunny. As yours.”
My breathing turns ragged as instinct fights with rationality. I want this woman so fucking bad I can’t function without her. But being in a relationship... I don’t know if I could do it.
When I don’t say anything, she smiles at me sadly, her hand moving to cup my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere today, but you need to prepare yourself for someday.”
“Someday, but not today.”
“No... not today.”
I scoop her up off the counter, carry her upstairs, and remind her why she should stay without making her a single promise. And I fucking hate myself a little more because of it.
I sit at the end of the bed, head in my hands, watching her sleep. The covers have slipped down to her waist, exposing the dandelion tattoo and the words inked into her skin.
Anywhere but here
Those words have never felt more painfully true than they do right now. I’m losing her. Every day she slips further away, but trying to stop her is like trying to catch water with a fork. It’s not that I don’t want her to stay; I just don’t have what it takes to make it happen. I could lie, say all the right things, give her pretty promises wrapped in bullshit, but I can’t do that to her.
I wish things were different. I wish I were a better man and we’d met under different circumstances. Hell, I wish she’d never heard of Raven Souls. But wishes are for fools, and her tattoo mocks me with that sentiment.
I get to my feet and stretch, working out the kinks from fucking her into a coma. I pull on my jeans, not bothering with boxers. I take my cell phone from my back pocket and snap a couple of pictures of her, but when she stirs, I put it away.
She opens her eyes and lifts her head, taking in her surroundings. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll get out of your hair.”
She starts to get up, but I stop her.
“Stay.”
She freezes and looks at me, a million questions in her eyes that never reach her lips.
“For tonight. Stay here with me.”
My skin feels too tight for my body, and I have to fight the urge to run. But when she reaches for me, it feels like a cool balm over a burn.
“Okay, Midas. All you had to do was ask.”
I sit beside her and pull her close. Her hands wrap around my arms as she rests her head against my collarbone, her hair tickling my nose, but not enough for me to move.
Ask. It sounds so simple, but it’s not. Not even close.
