“Legs, you can lie to everyone else, but not me. I know how much you love him.”
I close my eyes in defeat but don’t deny it. What’s the point? “I didn’t want this. I tried everything to keep my feelings out of it, but every time I tried to put some distance between us?—”
“He’d get jealous and pull you right back in again. I know. I see it, and so do the guys.”
“Oh God, they must think I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“No. They think Midas is, though.”
“He’s not. From the start, he made it clear that we couldn’t be anything more than bunny and biker. I’m the one who turned into a fucking cliché.”
“Maybe. But clichés don’t happen in a vacuum. He’s not blameless, Legs. He knew exactly what he was doing with you.”
I sigh. It’s no secret that Midas has no plans to do anything other than fuck me until something better comes along. And I can’t even be mad about it because this is what I signed up for. I’m just so damn tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m fine with it and not breaking into a million pieces every time I watch him with someone else. I’m tired of pretending the scraps he gives me are enough.
“What can I do, Lil? I can’t turn off my feelings like he can. Don’t you think I would’ve already done that by now? This would be so much simpler if he were a dick. It’s a fuck of a lot easier to get over someone you hate than someone you love. But when he’s with me, Lil, it’s like we’re the only two people in the world. And for a little while, I get to live in the reality I’ve been dreaming of.”
“Oh, Legs.” She reaches over to hold my hand. I look out the passenger-side window, blinking back tears. Crying won’t help anything—it just makes me look weak. And even if I feel it sometimes, I refuse to show it.
“So... what do you think? Junk food or pizza?” I ask, changing the subject.
And like the good friend she is, she lets me. “I think... both.”
I turn to her and smile. “Perfect.”
After Lil dropped me off yesterday, I ended up spending the afternoon with G. Part of me thought I should just strip naked and offer myself to him. I’ve done nothing but feel like a pariah lately, and though I’ve come to the decision that it might be time to move on, I want it to be on my terms. Not because I was kicked out.
Five minutes in his company and I knew I’d never sleep with him again. He spent one evening with a woman, and he was already half in love with her. As happy as I am for the man who has become one of my good friends over the years, it still made my heart feel like it had been put through a blender.
The way he spoke about this Amity woman had me seething with jealousy. In all the moments I shared with Midas, I never had that. I’d almost convinced myself that it was enough, but then I looked out G’s window and saw Midas fucking someone else against the wall outside, I knew I was an idiot. I couldn’t keep lying to myself anymore.
I was desperately in love with a man who didn’t even know how to love himself.
With my heart on my sleeve, I’d admitted to G that I wanted more than this life could give me. It was terrifying saying it out loud like that, but also cathartic.
Despite a night of junk food and ogling the cast of 300 with Lil. I wake up surprisingly refreshed. Dice, one of the prospects, brings me to Au and sticks around to help me out, which is just as well, as Midas doesn’t show, and Saturdays are always busy.
He doesn’t come in on Sunday either.
Late Monday afternoon when Midas does show his face, I’m ready for this week to be over.
He stares at me as he walks in, but his eyes are hidden behind his shades, so I can’t read his expression, and right now, I don’t care.
“I worked through my lunch because we were swamped. People know we’re closed for the rest of the week, so it’s been manic. I’m going to head out a little early if that’s okay.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but he must read something in my expression as he just nods. Alright. “Dice, take her home.”
“You got it, Midas,” Dice answers. I don’t wait for him, I just head out, calling a goodbye over my shoulder, needing some air
I like Dice. He’s stuck with me the last few days, despite being on gate and bar duty at the club. I like that he doesn’t probe; he just takes me back to the clubhouse and switches out his bike for the truck so he can drop me and Alex off at the park.
Now, this is what I needed, a quiet afternoon without any bullshit. I grin as Alex waves from the top of the slide. The kid is growing like a weed. I can’t believe he’s going to be a big brother soon. I ignore the ache in my gut that thought brings and shake my head as he climbs to the top of the jungle gym, yelling “Auntie Legs!” waving again. I wave back, watching him like a hawk. My worst nightmare is him falling and then having to tell Sunshine I broke her kid. I move closer, just in case. I doubt I could catch him mid-air, but I’d sure try. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him.
“Cute kid.”
I startle at the deep voice and turn to see a man in dress pants and a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He’s got those porn-worthy forearms that make me drool. Looking up, I start blushing when I’m met with vivid blue eyes and a set of freaking dimples. Holy moly. If I weren’t head over heels for Midas, this guy would definitely be my new obsession.
“Thanks. He’s my friend’s. She needed a break, so I offered to take him for the day,” I blurt out.
