I look away quickly. There’s something about staring in the mirror that always leaves me feeling ashamed. I flash back to my teenage years. I had very little choice in what happened, and any shame meted out wasn’t mine to carry.
But I’m not that little girl anymore. And here I am, years later, with another man’s cum running down my legs and pain in my chest at the knowledge that nothing has changed. Sometimes, I think it was easier when I had someone else to blame for my circumstances because now I only have myself.
Which is why looking in the mirror is as fun as visiting the dentist. Nobody judges you more than the younger version of yourself you failed.
Chapter Nine
Legs
I smileat the bank teller before turning and walking away. With the shop deposits done, I’m free to do what I want for the rest of the evening. I have two days left to work before taking a few days off, as Au will be closed for most of next week while updates were being made to Midas’s office. I couldn’t wait to have some time off all to myself. Tonight, though, I’d take just a few blissful hours. My feet are sore from being on them all day, and I really needed a hot shower.
I walk through town, enjoying the afternoon sun, daydreaming about what I’d do on those free days. I figured I’d take myself to the movies and maybe go for some dinner. Perhaps I’d laze around and maybe steal Alex away for a little while so Sunshine, who looked exhausted again the last time I saw her, could have a break. Whatever I decide, I’d need to batch cook some meals as they were running low at the clubhouse, and most days I was too tired to cook when I came home.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that when a car horn blasts and makes me jump, I swear I feel my heart in my throat. I spin around and see Lil laughing her ass off.
“Get in, loser.”
I flip her off but walk around and climb into the passenger seat. “I thought you were working at the shelter tonight?”
She shrugs. “We were overstaffed, and since I’ve been there every day this week, Grant sent me home.”
“Makes sense. I was planning on vegging out tonight—movies, junk food, the whole shebang. You wanna join?”
“Like a girls’ night?”
“Yep. You can even sleep over if you like.”
“That sounds kind of awesome. I love the guys, but sometimes I just wanna wear my PJs and deep-throat a Twinkie instead of a dick.”
I snort with laughter. “I know the feeling. “
“I’ve got a few things I need to do first, but I’ll come to your room when I’m done.”
“No rush, I’ll hang around the clubhouse for a little while.”
“Rather you than me,” she grumbles, making me chuckle. “Everything feels weird right now after last night.”
“Last night? I crashed early. What did I miss?” I couldn’t face heading back to the saloon after Midas fucked me, but I don’t mention that part.
She looks at me with wide eyes before turning back to the road. “How do you not know? None of those men can keep a secret. It was all they could talk about when church let out.”
I was already hiding by then. “I opened early today, and most people were passed out when Hoops drove me in. Does this have anything to do with Hicks? I’m not a fan of the prospect, but he doesn’t usually bail on me if he’s driving me to work.”
She blows out an exasperated breath and fills me in on what I missed. I feel my mouth drop open in shock.
“Wait, so Conan is sick, Sunshine is pregnant with not one but two babies, and Blade is stepping down as president, which means we’ll be getting a new one soon?”
“That pretty much sums it up, yes.”
“Holy crap. Is that it?” I ask sarcastically.
She grins. “G got drunk, and some warrior princess brought him home. She then pulled a gun on Hicks, who was a dick to her, and then she jumped over the fence like a ninja. That last part may be the ramblings of a drunk man. Kruger was pretty out of it when he filled me in.”
“You go to bed early one freaking time…”
She laughs, making me chuckle along with her. “I guess it explains why Midas was a no-show today. He probably tied one on, too.”
“More than likely,” she says softly. Most of the guys were still walking around in a state of shock when I left for the shelter earlier.”
