I don’t say anything to that. If she knew the shit I’d had to wade through to get here...
“We should come here more often. It feels like a different world. Almost makes me not want to go back.”
“Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.” I sigh dramatically, getting to my feet. I hold out my hand for her and help her up.
“I don’t know... this feels like it could be the start of something amazing,” she says, then flinches, looking like she wants to take the words back.
Fuck.
“I meant the job. I didn’t realize how it sounded until it came out of my mouth,” she admits.
“Don’t sweat it,” I tell her. But in my head, I’m wondering why the fuck I brought her here. This is more than I’d ever do with a club girl, and we both know it.
“Better get back. The guys’ll probably starve without you there to feed them.”
“There’s nothing wrong with their fingers.”
I suck in a sharp breath and head for the bike before I lose my shit, knowing exactly what she meant. She hurries over and grabs her helmet from me.
“Are you okay?” she asks as I get on my bike.
“Yup. Just got places to be, Legs. You know how it is.”
“Yeah, Midas. I know how it is,” she says softly before slipping her helmet on over her head. She climbs on behind me, wraps her arms around my waist, and holds on tight.
I know I should say something—do something—but I’ll just fuck it up like I always do. So I stay quiet, finding comfort in the fact that, even though I’ve gotta take a step back again, she’ll be away from the clubhouse every day and in my domain. I like knowing exactly where she is. It settles something inside me, and I don’t care how much of a bastard that makes me.
It’s like she said, sometimes you gotta make the best out of an impossible situation. And right now, nothing feels more impossible than the possibility of us.
Chapter Six
Legs
It didn’t take longfor the shine to wear off. As much as I enjoyed working at Au, being around Midas was slowly killing me. I thought I could keep my feelings in check, I mean, Midas made that shit look easy. Sex was just sex, right? I know that better than anyone.
But every time Midas touched me, I craved him a little more. He’d become my drug of choice, and even though I knew it was toxic, I couldn’t stop craving that next fix. Being next to him day in and day out was proving to be torture, which meant, in an ironic twist of fate, I was grateful for the distance he put between us outside of work. It was the only time I felt like I could breathe. It also gave me the opportunity to get to know everyone else better.
I’m not sure what I was expecting when I came to Raven’s. I just knew I couldn’t stay with the Chaos Demons anymore.
Watching Kaz with Mercy had been harder than I’d thought it would be, but coming here and putting distance between us made me realize that my feelings for him weren’t real. In my head, I’d built up a fantasy world where Kaz played the hero, andI’d hung onto that dream longer than I should have. I know club girls don’t get happily-ever-afters with bikers of their own, but I couldn’t help holding onto a sliver of hope.
At least until now.
Now I get it. It was never about Kaz. It was always about me and the life I’ve been craving. I don’t want to think about it right now—it’s not the time—but I know it’s coming. I can’t be a club whore forever, and thanks to Blade’s assurance that I can leave whenever, regardless of the tattoo, that dream can one day be a reality. I just need to figure a few things out first.
Even with all my experience, I’ve missed out on a lot of the basic stuff most people my age already know. Hell, I didn’t have a bank account until recently, and I’ve never lived alone.
Now that I’m doing more things for myself, I’m getting a crash course in survival—while having the comfort of knowing my room is guaranteed here as long as I spread my legs. And I have. I swallow my mixed feelings on the matter. I have a job to do, and I’m not talking about Au.
I’d held out for weeks in the beginning, giving Midas a chance to work through his issues. A small part of me hoped that he’d come to me and tell me he wanted more—that he just wanted to be with me. But then he took Lil up to his room, and something inside me shifted. I wasn’t mad, though. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’d just reminded me who I am.
Lil had looked over her shoulder at me as he led her out, worry written all over her face. I guess I hadn’t hidden my feelings as well as I’d thought, but I’d be damned if I let history repeat itself. So I gave her a wink and a grin, holding it until she disappeared through the doors.
As soon as she was gone, I let my smile drop. I turned to the prospect behind the bar to order a drink and got drunk. It was the stark reminder I needed of my station in life.
Now, as I watch him disappear with Kiki, I ignore the pain and think about the inventory that needs doing at work tomorrow. Maybe I should turn in and get some rest. I could get to work early and finish up before Midas even rolls in. The less time I spend in that man’s company, the better.
With a plan in mind, I jump off the barstool and collide with Toot.
