Growling, I throw my hands up. “No! I know he won’t. I’m…trying to accept it, alright? But fuck. It’s not easy. With Ignacio, I knew that I was his priority. The sharing didn’t mean anything. He didn’t love Allesandro. But with Tennant, I don’t know where I stand. Ever. He tells me he doesn’t want me to marry Ignacio—fine, I’m happy to do that for him. But what about me? Where do I sit in all of this?”
“Have you asked him? And…actually, why do you think Ignacio would marry you? From what I can see, he’s extremely happy with Roman. Like, somewhat nauseatingly.”
I recoil as if he hit me. “Ignacio was mine. He has always been mine. And yeah, I chose Tennant. But…that doesn’t mean I don’t care about Ignacio.”
Keegan snorts as he stares at me. “Are you for real? I…have no words for this. Jesus. Alright, let’s try to break this down. You broke up with Ignacio because he wasn’t communicating. You chose Tennant. But now you don’t want to communicate with him?”
“We have talked. Supposedly, I’m to trust that our relationship is separate, it’s not a competition.”
“And you can’t trust that? You think, what? That this is a competition between you and his other lovers? Because if he's gone so far as to ask you not to marry someone else, then you’re certainly not some afterthought.”
Slumping, I stare down at the ground, ignoring the ball Midas brings back.Fuck. I don’t have an explanation for this shit. All I have is what’s in my heart, and those poisonous words slip out before I can catch them. “Don’t I deserve to have someone who wants me? Only me?”
“It sounds like Tennant wants you. He’s not the type of person who plays games—I don’t think he even can. But, if you can’t handle a poly relationship, then this isn’t the right one for you. Because you’d both be asking the other to put aside a part of who you are.
“This isn’t a compromise situation. Either you can accept him—and the relationships that make him who he is—completely, or you’ll be doomed to hurt. You’re already pulling away from Lio, and I never thought that was possible.”
“Neither did I.” I raise my eyes to meet Keegan’s hard stare, flinching from the fury rolling off him. “I…I’ll talk to him. Maybe…maybe I can just continue to deal with it. That’s what I’ve been doing.”
Keegan scoffs at me. “Not successfully. This isn’t a ‘deal with it’ situation. This is an ‘embrace or walk away’ situation. But you have to ask yourself: what are you really afraid of?
“From where I’m at, there’s nothing standing in your way. Tennant’s lovers have all embraced you. He certainly worships you. He lets you claim him. Do you really want to walk away from that? Over what, misguided jealousy? At the end of the day, those questions are what you have to answer.
“I know I wouldn’t give up Carter or Marcus. Both own me. It doesn’t mean one is less than the other, or hell, more than the other. It means that we’re fucking adults who know we love each other.
“So, sit out here and think about it, find your truth. But you need to either walk the fuck away or get with the program. This half in and half out bullshit isn’t doing anyone any good.”
With that, he whirls around and marches back toward the house. I consider calling him back to at least answer the original question he had before we delved into personal relationship shit, but I let it go.
He’s right. I can’t keep playing this off. Can I truly give my heart to Tennant? Especially when he’s given his to so many others? Then again, if he’s asking me not to marry Ignacio, does that mean he’d want to be the one marrying me? Because at least then I’d know that I’m—that we’re—safe.
Fuck. Keegan is right. This is going to take communication. But first, I need to figure out what I can live with, and what I can’t.
Picking up Midas’s ball again, I throw it and wonder how the fuck everything got so confusing. I’d crawl over jagged glass tobe there for Tennant, but is that only trickery if I can’t accept him for who he is? And if so, where do I go from here…
Gently, I nudge the boy on my lap. “Come on, Baby, time to get up.”
Lio lifts his head from where he’s buried it in my neck. “Something wrong? Fuck, how long have I been in here? I should probably get…something done, with Roman out and Carter down.”
“Hush.” I kiss him softly to stop the ramble of thoughts pouring out of him. “The Seconds have everything handled, and they can hold down the fort for a while—well, Keegan can. Tennant and Roman are back, so I figured you’d want to go with me to take care of them.”
Those words have him trying to slide off my lap. Laughing a little, I push away from the desk so he can stand. “Wait one moment, Baby.”
Setting my programs to continue running in the background, I lock my computer, and grab my phone and tablet. “All set?” I ask Leandro, as I stand from my seat and reach for Lio’s hand.
“Yep. Go do what you need to. I’ll let you know if something pops up. Right now, I’m laying a map out of all those trackers Marcus and Antonio planted.”
“Any hits?” I ask, ignoring the impatient tug on my hand.
Leandro shrugs. “Nothing interesting, but I'm building a file I'll share with both you and H later. Go, before your puppy vibrates out of his skin.”
Looking down at Lio, I raise an eyebrow. He doesn't try for innocent like Roman would have, but he does still and blink at me with those big emerald green eyes.
“Do I need to leash train you, Cucciolo?”
He flushes and his breath catches. The way his eyes darken has my cock hardening in my pants. Leaning down, I whisper, “Do you like that idea? Should I get you a pretty collar and parade you around like the puppy you are?”
“Out.” Leandro’s sharp voice breaks through the heated moment. “No sex in the office. It's a rule.”
