I’m shocked at how cold his hand is, and I hold it for a few beats longer, even when I realize he’s lapsed into sleep. His face doesn’t relax though. Agony is etched into every line. Fuck. What the hell did I do?
Letting out a shuddering breath, I place his hand on the bed and stand up. I swallow past the tears and brush a small kiss across his forehead, a plea for him to come back from wherever his mind has taken him.
Turning around, I leave quietly. Closing the door, I take a moment to just stand there, unsure what to do now. I didn’t break him the way he did us. I grounded him into dust, and I’m not sure there’s a way to put him back together.
“He’s…not all there, is he?” Doc murmurs, shocking me from my nightmare.
Coughing, I yank at my hair, frustrated. “No. He’s not. And fuck if I know what to do.”
“You’d better figure it out. He can't live like this. I was well behaved and didn't kill him, but I'm not above mercy killing, though that wouldn't be my first choice at this stage. So, fix it.”
I meet Doc’s hard stare, and I’m reminded of how deeply he feels about his oath. He’s an ass, but he cares. An enigma. Whether it’s purely out of arrogance of not losing someone, or something else, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to need someone on my side, because there’s no way I can do this on my own.
I give him a sharp nod of agreement, unable to say anything as I turn and walk away.Fuck. Maybe my lovers have an idea, because I sure as fuck don’t. All I want right now is their arms around me. I thought I did the right thing…and hell, I stand by it, but fuck.How did we get here?How the hell am I supposed to look Lio in the eye and say I didn’t fix things at all—I tore his Master to shreds instead.
Everything is going to be fine.Maybe if I keep telling myself that it’ll become true. Being on suicide watch for one of the most ruthless mafia Bosses this side of the country wasn’t on my bingo card, but then again, neither was seeing the other ruthless mafia Boss tear down everything he ever built for this one, so… What the hell do I know anymore?
On one hand, I’m glad Luca disappeared so quickly after his visit with Allesandro, but on the other, I want to make him sit here and deal with it. Except…despite my words, I know he can’t fix the situation. No, he did the dirty work of stripping Allesandro of everything that made him Il Padrone, but the fixing part has to come from the broken man on the other side of the door.If only it were that easy.
Sighing, I turn back to the room I’ve been using as an office while here. In the midst of all this shit, my doctors and nurseshave been trying hard to get some semblance of our clinic up and running, because our people don’t stop needing medical care just because the Family is in turmoil. If anything, they need more attention than ever. I feel guilty because I can’t devote more time to getting my baby partially running again, but there’s only one of me, and far too many moving pieces.
At least, I have Dr. Ranlen on my side. Even if I want nothing more than to go take care of Carter, knowing he's receiving the best care possible is the only thing keeping me here. That, and I don’t want to let Cristian down by allowing his lover to waste away.
No matter what he’s done, who he’s become, Cristian will always be the man who saved my life. Making sure Allesandro doesn’t off himself before any decisions have been made is the least I can do. Even if a mercy killing might be kinder…
Fuck.Why am I the one in the middle of this? I stayed behind to either help save Cris, or to end him, so his family wouldn’t have to. Now, my Daddy, best friend, and I are on suicide watch for a guy I’m not sure deserves to live… Not because of whatever’s going on through his head now, but having a breakdown isn’t a Get Out Of Jail Free card for being a controlling asshole.
I understand trauma—have plenty of my own that I still have nightmares over. I’ve seen Hollis breakdown because of his past, and have dealt with Tennant for more than half my life, but this… It goes beyond everything I’ve seen or done since joining the Amatos.
Hands land on my shoulders and I jump in the chair I’ve settled into. It takes far longer than I want to admit to recognize Daddy’s firm but loving touch. Taking a deep breath, I try to relax.
“You should get some rest, Baby.” The pressure on my shoulders says it’s not a suggestion, but…
“I can’t. At least, not until Tennant is back, and he and Hollis can deal with this mess.”
“You’re stretching yourself too thin, Doc?—”
I pull away and stand to face him. “And what would you have me do, Soren? This is my job. I like helping people. I know what everyone thinks of me, that they judge me because I don’t have the time or inclination to beniceto them when they’re on my table, but none of them can say I’m not damned good at my job. This is part of it.
“I wish it wasn’t. I wish it were easier on us all to make these types of decisions, but the choice isn’t mine, it never will be. So, no, I can’t rest for a fucking minute, because if something happens to him,” I gesture my arm in the direction of Allesandro’s room, “I will never be able to look Cristian or Emilio in the eye ever again.”
“I can help with that,” a familiar, and much welcomed voice says.
Turning, I find Kail standing in the doorway, and everything in me deflates. “Fuck,” I breathe out. “What are you doing here?”
“I called him,” Soren says carefully. “They have enough people over there to watch Carter and everyone else. You need a break, Baby; Kail was happy to be given something to do.”
“He’s right, I was.” My friend walks over and places his hands on my shoulders, his dark blue eyes full of worry. “I have it from here, Doc. I promise, I’ll take care of him. But you’re my priority. Which means you will take your ass to bed and let your Daddy and James cuddle you. Understand?”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, reminding myself that Kail’s take-no-shit attitude is the reason I hired him in the first place. He knows what he’s doing, and how to handle not only the situation, but me. A feat not even my Daddy could do alone.Shit.Daddy…
I look to Soren, who has nothing but love and concern for me showing on his face.
Taking another breath, I slowly nod. “Okay.”
I show Kail how to bring up the camera in Allesandro’s room, and give him a quick rundown of his injuries and mental state. Right now, the Boss looks to be sleeping, which is good. He needs time to let his body and mind heal.
“Full suicide watch?” Kail asks, staring at the screen.
