“Il Padrone!” he snaps, and I struggle to face him, to face…what? “Stay with me! I need you to answer one question. What. Are. You. Afraid. Of?”
There’s another smack. I think. Maybe. I don’t know…
Afraid of?
I laugh. At least, I think I do. Who knows. Maybe it’s in my head, echoing around. Maybe I’ve finally snapped. The question is repeated. Again and again.
What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of…?
Il Padrone. Il Padrone. Il Padrone
What…Are…You…
I toss myself into the blackness that rushes up against me, not bothering to answer the monster in the dark. Why should I?
I’m not him anymore.I'm not Il Padrone…I never was. Never will be.
It’s over.It’s all I can think as Marcus leads me to our car. I lose track of where people are, and what everyone should be doing, which is how you get killed. I know better than that, allowing myself to be so vulnerable out in the open… It’s dangerous, but all of my training goes by the wayside as all I can think is:It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
Marcus holds me once we’re in the safety of the car, and a sob rips through my chest, shaking my entire body so violently, I’m surprised it doesn’t tear me apart.
Everything in me hurts, down to my very soul.
Cristian… He was supposed to be my forever, the person I spent the rest of my life with. My reward for surviving.
Instead, he’s the monster that killed what’s left of me.
My throat aches and my eyes are swollen when the cryfest finally subsides. My friend’s arms are tight around me as hewhispers into my ear howI’m okay, andhe’s got me, andeverything will be okay.
I don’t know if he’s saying it for me or him, because none of this is okay, and it never will be. Not when my soul is crushed, my heart is in tatters, and the life I fought so hard for is now nothing but ash.
Pulling out of Marcus’s embrace, I rub a hand over my face, swiping away the tears. It almost brings on another round when I don’t feel the cool metal of my ring against my hot face. Holding my hand in front of me, I stare at my empty ring finger.
I haven’t been without my ring since Cristian took it from me when everything about who I really was came out. When he tortured me for close to two weeks because he couldn’t kill me.
Now, all I can do is wonder why. After everything we’ve gone through together, if this is how we end up, why didn’t he kill me way back then? It would have saved us a lot of heartache in the end. I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be murdered by the person you love, while still being very much alive and having to live through the pain.
Marcus takes my hand in his, and I look at my friend, into his kind, compassionate eyes, and for a moment, I feel jealous that all he can offer me is friendship.
I don’t need a relationship right now. Hell, I’m not sure I can ever trust again. But if I could…it’d be Marcus and Keegan. Two strong, kind, and caring men who didn’t hesitate to take me into their fold. It might have been for Cole’s sake at first, but the recent weeks of working side-by-side, of living together, of raising Cole… It’s made us the family I always wanted, and thought I finally had with Cris and Roman. How wrong I was.
“Thank you,” I tell him, my voice thick and rough with emotion.
“We’re here for you, Carter. Always.”
Tears fill my eyes again and I nod, knowing I don’t deserve their friendship, but grabbing it with both hands anyway, because it’s all I can do in this maelstrom that is my life.
“You never have to do that again,” he says fiercely. “You never have to put yourself in front of him if you don’t want to.”
“He’s still the father of my son.”
“And he’s done a shitty job of that. He’s lucky he made it out of there alive. He doesn’t get to treat you like trash and expect anything from you.”
“We have to work with him, with both of them,” I remind him gently.
Marcus squeezes my hand. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you do. You can send me or Keegan in your stead, it’s what we’re here for. I won’t allow him to hurt you ever again.”
“I’m the one that gave back my ring,” I whisper. “The one who shattered the last thread between us.”
