“What? Why? Did something happen?”
Hollis hesitates a moment, before laying it out on the table.“Leandro picked up a…concerning conversation between Cristian and Allesandro—everything is fine, nothing has happened, this is just a precaution. Doc doesn’t think Cristian would actually go through with it, but Tennant isn’t taking any chances with this Cristian."
I curse. “Yeah, they definitely need to be here then. What about Doc?”
“They’re staying where they are. Ten and Doc went round and round about it, but the stubborn brat stayed firm. He needs to be there for Luca—he’s better, but Doc doesn’t trust Allesandro with him. He also said, and I quote, ‘If someone needs to make the hard decisions, then it can be me. You won’t pity me or talk me out of it. I can do what needs to be done, so shut up and go find a lover you can fuck into submission.’”I laugh and Hollis sighs.“Yeah, can’t say this whole situation has changed Doc’s attitude, or his relationship with Ten. Those two are…if I didn’t know their story, I’d think they hated each other.”
I snort. That…is a good way to put it. I know Doc and Tennant are friends, and care about one another, otherwise neither would get so snippy towards the other and live to tell about it. They just have a unique love language, is all.
“Any other news?”
“Not at the moment. I’m working on backtracking the two calls to Daniel. The one from the supposed organization is layered in encryption, which could mean it’s legit. That’s both good and bad news for us. I’ll be able to break through it eventually. It doesn’t matter what aliases, security measures, etcetera, they try to use. I have an alert out now on the numberand some keywords, so if anything pops up, we’ll be able to use it and track them down.
“The failed hit is different as that came from a burner phone. I can’t trace it, and even if I could, they probably ditched the phone soon after the call. I’ve put feelers out to my contacts, so we’ll see what pops up.”
“Okay, thanks. Keep me informed?”
“Yes, Boss.”
I swallow back the urge to ask him not to call me that. Instead, I try to embrace it, letting it wash over me. Shivering, I clutch my phone a little tighter.
“Thanks, Hol.”
“Don’t thank me for doing my job, Amore. This is the least I can do. If you feel you owe me something, then you can give it when this is all over. You, me, Ten, Jude, Lio, Benjamin, Ignacio, and maybe even Antonio…we’re all owed some downtime. A lot of time spent in bed, Giocattolo.”
I moan and shift as my cock perks up with interest. “Yes, please.”
Hollis laughs darkly.“As soon as you and Ignacio are better, and this is all over with, it’s a promise, Toy.”
I huff out a sigh. “Let’s hope it’s soon then. I’ll let you get to work. Call or text me if you need something from me, or you find anything.”
“I will. Ti amo, Roman. I’ll see you for dinner.”
“Love you, too.”
I hang up and drop my phone onto my lap, wishing there was more I could do, but being injured aside, I’m a bigger, more important target now that I’m Boss, and that means less time in the field.
Boss.I let the word roll around in my head for a while, knowing how undeserving I am of the title and position, but I'm damn sure going to make everyone who believes in me proud.Because for some reason, Carter and Lio, and my lovers, and all the men who’ve pledged to follow me, don’t see the young kid who is out of his depth, but the man I can only ever hope to be.
Gasping, I wake up in bed, alone, covered in sweat. Everything in me rebels as I roll out of bed, landing in a heap. I scramble to my feet as best as I can, and barely make it to the toilet before throwing up what’s in my system. It seems to take forever, and the pain is all encompassing. Yet, when it stops, all I can think is‘if only it was so easy to purge what was in my soul’…
Fuck these nightmares. I shudder as tears fall down my face. My entire body shakes as I carefully make it over to the sink to brush my teeth. Ever since we came back, the nightmares have gotten worse, more pervasive, more mocking. This one? This was far worse.
Spitting out toothpaste, I try to breathe through the onslaught of memories that threaten to bombard me. Happy memories…that’s how it started out.
Lio in bed with me. Curled up. Trusting me. My soul drank in every bit of the love he gave.
Then he disappeared…and coldness started to seep in. Images of him with Hollis flipped through my mind. I have no idea if they were real or not. Hell, I’m not sure I can even tell the difference anymore. Everything is twisted inside me.
There's a slash of pain that hits me as I see my future waver and disappear. My happiness. The guilt that coats me inside and out, knowing I broke the man I love. The man I was never worthy of.
And the hatred…the hatred for myself. For the weakness inside my mind. I dart to the toilet again, dry heaves taking over my whole body. I close my eyes, but it makes everything worse. The blowjob with Cristian is now seared into my mind.
A betrayal. To myself. To Emilio. To my Boys. And hell, to Cristian himself.
I hit the floor on my knees, curling in on myself. I took from Cristian to make myself feel better. My Sweetheart doesn’t deserve that from me. He needs support, and I failed him.
I’m poison. Just like my father always thought. Despite the love and care I poured into my Boys, I finally managed to kill what was there. And now? Now, I may be Cristian’s ruin too…
