That’s when I saw it. Paxton’s blood was definitely flowing—to all parts of him. I diverted my attention to his hair and washed it for him since he’d gotten some sticks and leaves in it during our snow fight. Ugh, this man. We really needed to get him some real winter gear. His own snow suit. Boots. Gloves and a better hat, for the love of Pete.
My hand, gripping the scrubby, paused on his pec. My heart broke a little. I was thinking ahead, as though he would be here in the future. In my future.
“What?” He put his hand over mine.
“Nothing. Just trying to think of anything I forgot to do.”
He smiled at me, his cheeks reddened. His smile was steady, not a hint of the chattering from before. He was warm. I’d made sure the daddy of my dreams was well taken care of. “I’m sure you remembered everything. You always were a stickler for lists and organization. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“You’re welcome,” I answered and washed myself after he was done. We got out and dried off and while he dressed in some of my warmer fleece grown-up jammies, I threw some morewood on the fire and brought out all my blankets into the living room. He would need to stay warm through the night, and my couch, in front of the fire, was the perfect place.
“What are you doing?” he asked. “Planning a sleepover?”
I laughed. “Yes. I brought out the down comforters and some of my heavier quilts and blankets. I thought you could take the couch tonight, since it’s close to the fire. We don’t want your temperature to drop anymore. Get comfy, and I’m going to make us some hot apple cider.”
“That sounds so good. Thank you, Nico. Really. I feel like you’re giving me everything, and I’m doing nothing.”
I looked up from the drawer where I kept all the hot drink packets. Homemade was best, but the packets did the job in a pinch. “What do you mean? When I saw you come into the office, I nearly lost my mind. I didn’t let myself feel the full spectrum of missing you, but when I saw you again, it all came flooding back. You being here is exactly what I needed most, even if you got here by accident.”
“I missed you, Nico. So damned much, it physically hurt sometimes.”
“We’re here together now. That’s what matters.”
He climbed into the nest I’d made for him and pulled the covers up around his shoulders and stared into the fire. I put the kettle on and closed the heavy curtains, determined to keep in as much of our warmth as possible. And the cold out.
We sipped steaming, spiced cider, but, before I could finish mine, Paxton’s eyelids were drooping.
“Get some sleep. I’ll check on you later.”
Pax’s hand snaked out and he touched mine. “Stay here with me. There’s plenty of room.”
Today, I craved sleeping with one of my stuffies. They gave me comfort and sleeping while holding onto something made me feel safe. “Okay.”
We were already in our jammies, him in plaid flannel and me in my cartoon printed set. All I needed was my stuffie, and I would be okay.
I climbed onto the sofa with him but, in seconds, Pax’s eyes closed, and he was out cold. I moved a bit, making sure he was out before I jumped off the couch and ran to my room and grabbed Oscar, my plushy teddy with the plaid bow. He was squishy enough to hug but sturdy enough to make me feel like I wasn’t so alone. I already had a plan in mind. In the morning, I would wake up before Paxton and put my stuffie back before he could see. I hadn’t told him that I was a little, yet, but I didn’t want to explain it while cuddling a teddy bear. Not that I was ashamed of it, but I wanted to tell him first.
Worst-case scenario, I would hide Oscar until Pax wasn’t looking and I could put him back.
I snuggled down into the blankets with Oscar and heard Pax’s soft breaths.
Tomorrow, I had to tell him. How I felt about him, then and now. All about the other side of me, the little side.
How in love with him I was.
How I didn’t want to lose him.
I held Oscar tight to my chest and watched the flames dance in the fireplace until sleep began to take over. What if Pax would stay with me through Christmas? What if we made cookies and decorated and played more in the snow?
What if I told him who I was and about my other side and he accepted me and loved me?
I let those delightful thoughts lull me all the way to sleep. Tomorrow, I would put everything on the table.
And then I would know for sure.
Chapter Nine
Paxton
