It was cozy in front of the fire, the flickering flames lulling me into a doze, but I woke when Nico got up and went into the bedroom. I’d asked him to stay, but I understood why he’d rather sleep in his comfortable bed than here on the couch with me. Although I did have to say the sofa was very sleepable. For such a rustic setting, it was a spectacular piece of furniture. But then everything in the little home was carefully chosen and came together in a harmonious whole. The colors, the faux-tiffany lamp casting jewel-toned light in contrast to the snowy world with its silvery moonlight outside. The fabrics, sturdy but luxurious. If the other cabins were anywhere near this nice, my boss would be delighted with the venue.
Not that I cared. At this moment, the only thing I was focused on was whether Nico would be coming back or not. If he didn’t, could I follow him into the bedroom? I didn’t want to be pushy, but I could ask him if it was all right. Then, before I had to make a decision, I heard his sock-feet padding back toward where I lay curled up under all the blankets. All of them… Of course, I should have realized that he wouldn’t have been able to go to the other room, which was farther from the fire and cooler, to sleep since he’d piled all of his covers on top of me.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt him pull the blankets back and slip in with his back to me. His sigh as he settled in warmed my soul. Peeking through my closed lids, I saw the teddy bear I’d checked out in the bedroom now tucked under his arm. It was adorable, and had big little vibes for sure.
But he’d gone to the trouble to wait until I fell asleep to bring his bear out, so if he was little—which I became more andmore certain he was—he was not ready to admit it to me. Had he admitted it to himself?
He breathed easily and softly, murmuring a few words once that I couldn’t make out and then snuggled down again. After working together and all the casual socializing, I’d held my feelings in. His behavior never suggested being little, and I had suppressed any thoughts of the possibility so I didn’t make a fool of myself. I didn’t want to move away, no matter how great the opportunity, but it just got too hard to face him every day when we had no future.
Could I have been mistaken? All those stuffies and toy figures couldn’t lie.
I lay there, remembering the past and trying to see what I might have missed. A video of our past ran through my mind, and I ached for those young men who weren’t able to share with one another their true selves. But we’d still had good times. Working together had been pleasant, and we’d been part of a group who enjoyed one another’s company. Someone was always setting up dinners out at new and interesting restaurants, nights at dance clubs, or other activities. When I’d switched companies, I’d missed Nico the most, but the fellowship of my coworkers came in a strong second. The new people were nice enough, but they were almost all married or otherwise involved, and the office cleared fast at the end of the day.
Those years with Nico, it seemed we had something fun to do nearly every evening. Perhaps because we were all young and most of us were single. Nico always dressed the best of anyone, and caught eyes wherever we went.
I wanted to stay awake and not miss a minute of our time together, but all of our exercise in the winter wonderland finally made it impossible. I wrapped my arm around him, rested my head on his shoulder, and drifted off. In the morning, I would tell him about being a daddy.
When I woke, Nico had switched from cuddling the stuffie to cuddling me. I held my breath, trying not to disturb him. His body was aware I was there, or maybe it was just morning wood. My body—very aware. Breathing in his faint musky scent, I was so grateful he’d replaced the teddy with me.
It was the stuff of fantasies come true, although in those fantasies, we were both naked and not in jammies. But this was a great second option. The minutes clicked past, on a day we had nowhere to go, and if we did nothing but this for the entire day, I wouldn’t mind at all. All too soon, Nico stirred. He rolled away from me and felt around on the floor, coming up with the teddy. Then he muttered, “Sorry, Daddy,” and climbed out of bed, off the couch, teddy bear in his arms.
I lay there, pretending to be asleep, not wanting to embarrass him, but my heart slammed against my chest wall. He’d confirmed, in his sleepy state, that he was a little.
Now, I had to confirm for him what it seemed as if he’d already guessed. That I was a daddy. His daddy, if he’d have me.
After he left, I pulled the blankets over me and let his words echo in my mind.Sorry, Daddy.Rather than lie here, I would have preferred to get up and have the conversation we needed to. No grown man but a little would have said that to me, even half asleep, so what was keeping us back?
I peeked through half-closed eyes as he emerged from the bedroom without the stuffie. He had gotten it when he thought it was safe, wanting to stay with me but also needing his bear enough to risk my seeing it. All the subterfuge was doing neither of us any good.
Chapter Ten
Nico
I shook the ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon into the bowl with more gusto than necessary. I had called him daddy when I found myself plastered against his body this morning. The word came out of my mouth, as naturally as good morning.
He’d said nothing about it. Had he heard me? He’d seemed to be asleep, but, which was more frustrating—the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was a little or him acting like nothing happened. Either way, I was taking it out on the ingredients for my gingerbread pancakes.
“Whatever you’re making, it smells fantastic.” Paxton came to stand beside me. His presence calmed me even though there was tension between us. I had the griddle heating up and some molasses with cinnamon sticks warming on the back burner. All that was left was to mix the batter, let it rest, and cook them up.
“Gingerbread pancakes.”
He chuckled, nudging my shoulder with his. “You used to stock up on gingerbread cookies during the holidays and eat them all year.”
I laughed. Couldn’t believe he remembered that. “I did until I got sick of them. Now I make the pancakes instead.”
“Anything I can help with?”
Telling me you want to be my daddy?“No, I think I have it covered.”
Once the pancakes and coffee were done, we sat down to eat. I didn’t remember Pax being a huge fan of gingerbread, but he finished off a short stack and went back for more. The cold weather burned a bunch of calories, and he had gotten chilled the day before. He needed food to catch up.
“Do you have plans today? I mean, we can’t leave yet but…”
I looked at my phone, needing my to-do list as a guide. “I was supposed to start painting walls today. On the other cabins.”
“Can I help?”
Immediately, a shot of concern seized my muscles. I didn’t want him to get out in the snow and cold and scare me again. Then again, two hands would be better than one with painting. With any task, really. And Pax was here anyway. He would get bored staying here in the cabin by himself.
