I’m in a daze as I walk down the hallway to his apartment.
I press my palm against Jared’s door, feeling the cool wood against my skin. I can hear movement inside—footsteps, something being set down. He’s there. Right there. Just a door between us.
My hand forms a fist. Drops. Forms again.
Come on, Felix. You can do this.
The knock on Jared’s door feels like the loudest sound I’ve ever made. When he opens it, I have to grab the doorframe for support because he looks destroyed. His hair is messed up, there are dark circles under his eyes that look like bruises, and he’s wearing the same shirt he had on when he left me.
“Felix?” His voice is hoarse.
Everything in me wants to fix this, fix him. This isn’t Jared. Jared is steady hands, a calm voice, and strength that holds everyone else up. This broken version of him is so fundamentally wrong.
And I will do anything in my power to never see him like this again.
“I love you, and I’m not losing you. Not over this. Not over anything,” I say.
His legs seem to collapse under him, and suddenly, he’s on the ground, hunched over, gasping deep breaths like he can’t get enough air into his lungs.
“Oh god, Jared.” I’m on my knees next to him, pulling him against me, feeling the warmth of his body. I press my lips to his temple, feeling him tremble.
Jared’s looked after me so many times, but now it’s my turn to do the same.
“Breathe. Just breathe with me.”
He clings to me like I might disappear, his fingers digging into my arms. We stay like that on his floor, me holding him while he shakes apart.
“I understand that you didn’t tell me because you were protecting Sophie, how you were just being the best brother and uncle you could be. And it seems hypocritical for me to punish you for your loyalty and commitment to family when that’s one of the things I love most about you.”
He looks at me, and there are tears in his eyes. “I thought I was going to have to live the rest of my life without you.”
“It’s going to take more than this to get rid of me,” I say. “You’re a guy who bakes brownies and gives great blowjobs. It’s like the double whammy, the holy grail. I’m pretty sure I’m not finding anything better, so you’re stuck with?—”
I don’t get a chance to finish because he’s kissing me. Messy, tear-stained kisses that taste like desperation and relief and love all mixed together.
I kiss him back, trying to pour everything I feel into it. The forgiveness, the understanding, the overwhelming love I feel for him, that it turns out nothing will break.
When we finally break apart, we’re both breathing hard.
“We’re going to have to talk this through. Maybe even with a therapist because you and me, I’m pretty sure it’s asoulmates together-for-all-eternity kind of thing. And I don’t want anything to get in the way of that,” I say.
He swallows hard. “I’ll do anything if it means I get you.”
“Good, because I have other conditions.”
“Anything.”
“No more lies. Even tiny ones. Even to protect me.”
“Never.”
“We tell each other the hard truths, even when they hurt. Especially when they hurt.”
“All right.”
“And you have to let me pay you back the money you gave me. Not all at once, but over time.”
“Felix, no?—”
