“He did.”
“But he also saved my life. Twice. Once in the tomo and once by being…him.”
Annie leans forward slightly. “What do you mean by that?”
I try to put it into words. “Before Jared, I was disappearing. I was convinced no one would ever want me again, that I was just this scarred thing pretending to be a person. But he made me feel…real again. And wanted. Not in spite of my scars but even with them.”
“And how does knowing the truth about the accident change that?”
I’m quiet for a long moment.
“In some ways, I’m so angry because he held a piece of the truth that could have changed the way I saw my scars. But my problem hasn’t been feeling guilty about my accident. It’s been coping with how people react to me now that I look like this.” I swallow a lump in my throat. “Jared said he fell in love with me when I was broken and bleeding in the dark. Before he even saw my face.”
“That must be powerful to know.”
I give a shaky laugh. “It’s everything I ever wanted to hear. Just delivered with a side of devastating betrayal.”
“Relationships are complex,” Annie says. “Good people sometimes make bad choices, especially when they’re trying to protect the people they love.”
She’s right. Despite this, Jared is still a good person, the best man I’ve ever met. And I understand why Jared chose to protect Sophie, and by extension, Emmy.
“So what do I do?”
“What do you want to do?”
I hate when she does this, makes me figure out my own answers. But I already know, don’t I? I’ve known since the moment he left my apartment.
“I want him. Even with all of this mess, I still want him. I don’t think there is anything that could make me stop wanting him.”
“Then it sounds like you’ve already made your decision,” Annie says. “The question now is whether you can rebuild trust while honoring both your needs and his.”
“How do I know if I can trust him again?”
“Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight. It’s rebuilt through consistent actions over time. The fact that he gave you his life savings, that he saved your life, those are actions. The lie was also an action. You get to decide which actions define your future.”
After leaving Annie’s office, I drive home slowly, still processing. When I get to my apartment, I stand in my bathroom for a long moment, then really look at myself in the mirror for the first time in days.
My scarred face stares back.
I’m no longer beautiful. I’ll never be beautiful again.
But why do I need to be beautiful if I have Jared?
I’d trade every admiring glance I’ve ever received for one look of love from him. In a heartbeat.
Sophie made a mistake when driving. That mistake could have ended with her, Jared, and Emmy injured or worse. Instead, because I swerved to avoid them and went through the barrier, I’m the one who paid the price.
But I’d do it again. Even now, knowing the outcome, I wouldn’t hesitate to put myself in harm’s way to protect Jared and Emmy.
The realization reframes everything. My scars aren’t flaws. They are evidence that I saved people I love.
Yes, Jared didn’t tell me the truth.
But he risked his life to save me. And he’s been saving me every moment since I met him again.
Life isn’t black and white. It’s a fucking kaleidoscope of colors.
And when I’m with him, I can see them all.
