My wolf whimpers.
Yeah, me too,I tell him.
The bite on her neck makes her mine, but not really.
She gets to decide the rest.
Sixty-Four
CARINA
When Jasper mentionedRyder waiting to see me, I went without hesitation. At first, I hopped up from the couch, ready to embrace him again, but then memories of how I tossed him and Xander away like they were nothing returned, and I remembered I’m not the same Carina he’s come to know.
“You don’t have to,” Mom had said.
“Yes, I do.”
I do because somewhere over the week, I came to care for him. It wasn’t random that my wolf background decided to make an appearance when it did; it was when Ryder was in danger.
“Emotions shouldn’t lead the coven.”
It’s one of Mom’s many phrases when she gets on her How-To-Be-A-High-Priestess rampages, which I’ve never understood until now. Until I’m separated by magick from the man who would do anything for me, and for whom I’d like to do the same—only now I understand it’s different.
Until I’m in control of the nagging voice in my head, the wolves may not be safe around me. Ryder’s happiness isn’t worth their lives, especially when knowing Sloane will come for me again. She’ll be more desperate when she does. Once Wynteris like me, all four coven heirs will be Dark, and the only thing preventing her plan from being enacted is our distance.
But when he asks me to step through to him, it’s the chance I need to walk away for good. Doing so will give us a clean break, but is there anything really clean about a damaged heart smashed beneath our feet?
I didn’t get to pay my respects to Conan and his family or thank Holly for accompanying Ryder. Didn’t say goodbye to Xander or little Claire or thank Leah for becoming somewhat of a friend to me.
But I can say goodbye to Ryder.
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry for placing myself in your path.
Sorry for being the heir Sloane needed.
Sorry for the deaths brought on by this.
Sorry for taking your mate away.
Sorry for not being strong enough to stay.
But mostly sorry for not being strong enough to be with you.
“Don’t be. I have no regrets.” He reaches, searching for permission which I give it by stepping into his arms.
He kisses me, but not on the mouth. His lips press gently into my forehead and he inhales deeply, the rumble from his chest forming a tight clench in my own. My eyes shut and for a moment, the world stops.
There is no Dark versus Light. No Sloane or Twilight Grove. No pack or coven differences.
Just us. Him and me.
I hold him as tight as possible, since this might be my final chance to do so. This morning doesn’t erase the other days we’ve spent together, the time I crumbled into smaller stones that were rolling down the mountain as I found myself falling for him.
Time passes too quickly before he lifts from my forehead and cups my cheeks. His eyes flash a familiar silver, and I memorizethem, deciding right then and there that the next time Darkness demands death, it’ll be his eyes I recall to ground me. The way they make me feel safe and wanted, yet on fire and electrified. They beg me to respond with my wolf side.
Like a setting sun, the silver fades into a flat black that calls to my soul on an entire other level. To the Darkness—but not in response. No, Ryder’s dark eyes quell the evil in my veins.
