For a second, I question my every reason and wonder if he’s correct—wonder if the black magick was just settling within me. Maybe control is possible…with him.
His fingers sweep beneath my eyes, gathering the stray tears I’m not strong enough to conceal. Water from my eyes, tinged with salt, and without the elemental magick I pride myself on.
“From the minute we met, the mate bond may have been pushing me towards you, but I only succumbed after falling in love with you. Remember that, Carina…mynîkâkîstis.” His hands lower from my face slowly, fingers caressing down my cheeks to my chin and my neck before dropping to his side. “All I’ve done is try to ensure you weren’t bound to me unless you chose to be, but I failed. If leaving you alone is what you want, on my heart and soul, that is what I’ll do. But still, I beg…find your way back to me,kamahki. And if I’m not who you want, then I can’t wait to watch you become the kickass High Priestess you’re destined to become. You’re a survivor, Carina, and I will thank fate every day for the rest of my life for making you mine.”
He steps away, towards the trees, and my body begs to follow.
Why am I doing this? Why am I doing thisto us?
Because you’re meant for more.Slithering caresses my face, trying to erase his brand on me—but I won’t let it. His touch is more than a brand across my skin. It’s soul deep. Deep enough even Darkness can’t ravage it.
That’s why.
When tears are on the verge of spilling over for the cruelty of what my life’s become and this entire world and everything under Hecate’s rule, Ryder turns and walks away. For the second time this week, he leaves me at the barrier, wading through so many emotions.
Maybe wishing for balance isn’t the smartest thing. Maybe letting myself go completely Dark would be simpler.
To not care about anyone or anything.
Ryder included.
Mom pullsme into her arms when I re-enter the house, only her arms aren’t the ones I want. She walks me into the kitchen and conjures tea.
“He’s gone.”
She doesn’t speak for a long time, but her pleasure is apparent. She didn’t like the wolves on Treaty Day, nor when I insisted on returning with them. She mentioned earlier how Ryder came to her before searching for me, and while she respects him, she doesn’t approve.
It feels like an hour before she finally says something. Sixty long minutes of wondering if the rest of my life will pass as sluggish as this, and what she says certainly doesn’t help me. Not in the slightest.
“Did you ask what happens by turning him down?”
I sink lower in my seat, my chin barely touching the table’s surface. I didn’t, and what if it leads to pain. What if?—?
“How do you feel about him?”
“Everything’s confusing.”
“That isn’t an answer.”
“I can’t hurt him.”
Yet, by walking away, that’s exactly what I’ve done.
“We’re from two different worlds. Putting aside the war, he’s Alpha and I’ll be High Priestess. I’ll be hosting the next full moon ceremony, right? That’s what you said the other week. Practice.”
“Sure, but given everything you’ve gone through, it’s normal to want a break.”
A break makes me think. A break makes me regret. The coven’s magick will heal the gaping wounds in my heart and soul.
“I’ll be fine. Connecting with Hecate and the elements will be good, don’t you think? I also think a visit to Harlow might be smart.”
Mom slides her hand across the table to push away my empty drink. “Maybe bed first. You need more sleep. We’ll figure out what to do tomorrow.”
Tomorrow seems so far away.
My gaze goes to the window across from us.
Tomorrow is another day of pain.
