When my breaths grew uneven and sparse, he rolled me to my back, leaning back just enough to press his hand over my chest in a slow rhythm, coaxing my lungs back into the right pattern.
"I'm here, love," he whispered, the words landing softly as he kissed away tears on my cheeks.
He didn't offer false promises, I realized. Didn't tell me it would be all right. Dragon's fire, he didn't even know what was wrong, poor man.
A hysterical laugh came out with a sob, and my eyes were sore as I opened them to gaze up at him. The furrow in his brow had grown deeper, and his own eyes were wet, like he'd been cryingforme, with me. The sight untied my tongue at last.
"I-I th-think I'm p-pregnant," I said, the words thick with tears, almost unintelligible with how hard I had to work to force them out.
But Torion stilled and searched my face, eyes widening with confusion.
"It's not—not the first time," I said, covering his hand on my chest, pressing there to anchor us both, to stamp down the hope that tried to fly out of me every time I thought about the queasiness I'd been suffering in the morning or how long it had been since I'd had my courses.
"Not the first time?" he echoed.
For a moment, I thought I might get up from the bed, run from the room, the keep, back to the cottage, rather than tell Torion the story. But then I met his dark eyes and knew that this time, he would follow me. He might let me run if he thought it was what I needed, but not after I'd been sobbing in his arms. I was grateful for the space he'd given me, and I would be grateful if he chased me down and held me close. It was time to start letting this man in.
"The last rut. With Malcolm. I wasn't...I wasn't even showing yet when—when I—lost?—"
Tears welled up in my eyes once more, all the traps and walls I'd built to keep them back now broken, Torion's shelter too tempting to resist.
"No," Torion murmured as a strangled wail choked and remained locked in my throat. "Oh, Brigid. No. I'm so sorry."
My sobs were softer now, tired, and Torion bundled me close, lifting me and moving me to his lap to rock us back and forth on the bed, a kind of comfort I'd never been offered, so patient, as if he'd hold me like this forever. I would let him. The idea sounded wonderful. I was too tired to lie to myself about how much I wanted Torion's affection now.
It could've been hours that passed. The candlelight grew dimmer in the room, or my eyes were simply too tired, lids swollen. When I settled once more, my breaths coming deeperand steadier, Torion still kept me to his chest, his hand at the back of my head cradling me gently.
"Barr doesn't know," Torion said eventually.
I had to clear my throat twice to speak, and my voice was hoarse. "No. I don't want him to. The babe is mine to mourn."
Torion brushed his mouth to the crown of my head, breathed there against me, and I realized that he had joined me in my mourning. I opened my fist to feel his heartbeat against my palm.
"I'm so scared," I whispered.
Torion nodded, the bristles of his cheek scratching through my hair. "You want this child."
"More than anything," I managed through new tears and thin breaths. One large hand slid to rest over mine on my belly, warm and strong.
"Share with me," he murmured.
I tipped my head back, frowning. I had shared more tonight than I had with any other person in my life.
"Share this fear with me. And your joy. Don't carry this alone, Brigid. Not when I'm here and all I want is to help you bear it." His eyes searched my face, waited for me to accept what he offered.
"You're the alpha, Torion, you have a duty?—"
He shook his head, and his tear wet lashes were thick and spiky. "I'myouralpha, Brigid. I'm yours. Please. Let me help. Let me care for you and for our child."
He's so serious, I thought numbly. I forgot sometimes, in all of Torion's playfulness, how big and earnest his heart really was. He kept showing me the proof, and here it was again. His hand was warm over mine. His heart beneath my other hand was steady, beating against my palm. Torion was the alpha, and while he made vows easily—offering me the position as omega, promising to keep me in his house, promising me children andrespect—he didn't make vowslightly. What he offered, he meant to stand by.
He sighed, softening around me, cuddling me gently into his side, shifting down the bed. "Let me try," he said, and I found myself nodding.
"I'll try too," I said, wondering at myself, wondering at Torion's tired smile. "Aren't you afraid that I might fail again?"
"Fail?"
"To carry the child to term."
