Darcy House, London
My Dearest Love,
I will return tomorrow. My business is concluded enough that I can leave it in another’s hands, but if it were not, I would not care. I cannot be parted from you another day.
Elizabeth, my heart, do you know how pleased your letter made me? I had felt content before, but now I am fair to bursting. To have gained the love of such a worthy woman—one whose worth is far above rubies—makes me the proudest man in England. Proud in the best way—proud of the wife I shall have in only a few days’ time, and proud of the abiding love we share between us.
I, too, believe we were intended for one another. I cannot imagine a more perfect woman existing for me anywhere. The way you smile when you see me fills my heart with joy; the sparkle in your eyes when you tease me enchants me; just holding your hand makes my heart beat faster, and when you kiss me, my god, Elizabeth, I cannot imagine a more perfect sensation.
Actually, I can, but that pleasure must wait a few more days. The candle is burning low and I will leave at first light. I may arrive before this letter, but I could not let your beautiful words to me go unanswered. Know that I love you with all my heart, and that I look forward to our wedding, and more importantly our marriage, with great joy and anticipation.
Adoringly,
FD
2
Reflections on a Wedding Night
15November,1812
Netherfield, Hertfordshire
My Darling Wife,
It is the day after our wedding and I cannot let it pass without telling you how very happy you have made me, in every respect. My love, last night was magical. Perfect. Beyond my wildest expectations. You are everything wonderful, my dear, and I will treasure you, and my memories of this time, for all my days.
At this moment, I am writing in a corner of our chamber, stealing glances at you where you lie sleeping in the bed. Our marriage bed. Your hair is tousled and strewn across the pillows, and you occasionally murmur in your sleep, though I cannot understand your words. Are you thinking of me? Of our time together?
Elizabeth, how can I express the very great honor I feel in receiving the precious gift you gave to me last night? That you would trust me so implicitly, so completely, humbles me. I am grateful and awed and immensely proud that I am the man you have chosen to be your husband. The faith you have placed in me—it fells me, Elizabeth. I treasure that faith like the precious gift it is, and I will honor it always. You have my word.
I hope I do not scandalize you, my heart, but when you looked into my eyes and told me you loved me as I moved inside you, I felt my heart crack open. I felt a communion with you like never before. I felt as if you had bared your soul to me, and I bared mine in return. I could remain in this chamber for a month and still not have had enough of you, of this precious connection between us.
Do not ever doubt that I love you, my heart. I am full to bursting with feeling for you. I am certain I will make many mistakes in our life ahead—how could I not?—but I promise you that I will never waver in my devotion. I will be a steadfast and faithful lover.
If you ever find yourself forgetting, you may always return here, to these letters we share, to remember how utterly consumed I am with you, and how you fill my every thought when I am awake and feature in every dream whilst I am sleeping.
I have just turned back to the bed and you are gone. Where have you gone, my love? Shall I go in search of you?
FD
15 November, 1812
Netherfield, Hertfordshire
My Dear, Sweet, Handsome Husband,
How can I describe what is in my heart in this moment? It is the day after our wedding and you are scribbling furiously at the desk across the room. I can only imagine you woke up and remembered something pressing that you must attend to. That is one of the many things I love about you. How attentive you are in every area of your life.
Fitzwilliam, there is so much I long to tell you, and I am afraid I will not be comprehensible in my address for my thoughts are bounding about so this morning, but I must tell you. My love, you are so very dear to me. In my life, I have not always had people I could rely on. My father is more indolent than not and you have met my mother. Jane has been the most stalwart companion, but she is not two years my senior and often powerless to assist where it is required.
You—the wondrous person that is you!—you are everything reliable and steadfast. You are a rock upon which I may stand when the world feels unsteady. You are a hand I may hold onto when I feel lost. You are shelter in a storm and shade when the sun is too bright. You steady me in a way I had not known I needed.
All these things I knew about you before we wed—I knew them and I loved you for them, for they are integral parts of your character, and your character is one of my favorite things about you.
But my love, last night I discovered something else. There is a wildness in you—an untamed, unharnessed power that thrilled me to my bones. That you could hold this power inside you, inside the well-turned-out gentleman, is a delicious secret I shall keep to myself. But I will know it, and you will know that I know it, and when we are at a very dull party, and you meet my gaze from across the room, we shall share a look and you will know what I am thinking of.
That this immense strength resides next to such tenderness is an enigma I cannot unravel. My love, you were everything perfect. I know that you were nervous—as we both were—but you did everything right. You made me feel safe and loved and secure with you. I never doubted you, Fitzwilliam, not for a moment. Your kindness and gentleness kept me at ease, and because it is you, and you are so very precious to me, I felt able to bare myself as I could not have done with anyone else.
