She smiled politely and kept typing.
“I understand, and I recommend all women to consider being proactive. You never know what may come up.”
The truth was more complicated than that. Because for the first time in years, I’d been thinking about it. Not in that abstract kind of way, but in a specific, dangerous, what-if kind of way. I’d been telling myself it was justcuriosity. Just my ego responding to being pursued by someone who could have anyone but wanted me. Just the thrill of not knowing for sure.
But sitting in this exam room, talking about freezing my eggs because I didn’t see a partner on the horizon, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I wanted it to be him.
I wanted him to show up at my door and tell me it had been him all along. That he’d been watching because he couldn’t look away. That he’d been learning me because he wanted to know everything.
And that terrified me more than any fire ever had.
Because wanting something meant it could be taken away. Wanting someone meant giving them the power to hurt you. And I’d worked too damn hard to build this life to let some man—even one as fine as him come through and shake my foundation.
“Halima?” Dr. Kline’s voice ushered me back. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Just... thinking.”
“This is a big decision. It’s normal to have mixed feelings.”
I nodded, but she didn’t understand. This wasn’t about the procedure. This was about the fact that I was thirty-one years old, sitting in a doctor’s office, planning for a future alone.
“Let’s get you scheduled,” Dr. Kline said, pulling up her calendar.
I grabbed the stack of paperwork, slid it into my bag, and walked out feeling two things at once: pride for taking control of my future and a hollow ache because taking control meant admitting I was still walking solo.
By the time Tessa textedSix Rolls…lunch on me, I didn’t even argue. I needed something easy. Something that didn’t sound like “viability” or “timelines.” And hanging with my bestie was always easy.
Six Rolls was packed with the lunch crowd, but we made do and waited to be seated because the food was worth it.
“How did the doctor go? Should I be worried?” Tessa asked.
“No, you shouldn’t. I’ll tell you more when we get seated.” My paranoia had grown these last few weeks. Between the weird phone calls and the new video of me floating around online. I wasn’t about to speak to much around strangers. I couldn’t be sure who was around or watching at this point.
“Jamison, party of two. Your table is ready.”
We followed the hostess with our arms looped together. I loved her, and I was so glad she was here.
“So happy you’re here, sis,” I muttered as we slid into the booth.
“Me too. It feels good to be back to the duo we used to be.” She grabbed the menu. “What sushi are you getting, so I don’t order the same?”
“Some things don’t change.”
Since we were old enough to go eat alone, we always shared food. It didn’t matter where or what—we ordered different items just to split them.
“Some things do,” she said, setting her menu down. “I’ve never had to ask you what’s up. You’ve always just told me. So… what’s up with you?”
I exhaled slowly. “I’ve been looking into freezing my eggs. But with that comes the reminder of why I even need to.”
Her face softened. “There’s nothing wrong with being proactive. But also? You need to admit love is coming if not already here.”
“Here you go,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
“I’m just saying, you’ve got somebody’s attention, even if you prefer to play dumb.”
Our waiter showed up, saving me for the moment. We gave our sushi orders and handed back the menus.
