He hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m really sorry.”
He was quiet for a second and then asked, “Now, will you let me buy rotten eggs to fling at his windows?”
I nodded, and he held me tighter.
41
DESMOND
Atense day had passed.
Brody had handled things admirably well when he woke up, sitting up and speaking to me so calmly that you wouldn’t know he was shaken. But I heard the tremble in his voice as he recounted the moments when he’d realized he was having an attack. He had spotted a stray cat on the road in front of him, and before he knew it, he had been having a seizure, losing control of the wheel and crashing.
My pulse had quickened as I listened. I had come so close to losing him.
What would’ve happened if Brody hadn’t slowed down for that cat?
I woke up in my bed the next night, shaking as memories of Mom’s death in high school had resurfaced in my dreams. Cold, clammy sweat broke out on my palms as I relived the moment when I hadn’t been able to reach her in time. To speak to her, to tell her I loved her.
She had gone while I was busy making love to Ava.
I had been a miserable mess for months, a hollow shellof a man who couldn’t deal with the trauma. I had barely scraped through college, going from one dreary class to another, useless to everyone around me. It had taken more than a year of therapy to work through my trauma, and when I had gotten better, I’d sworn I wouldn’t let myself go through that again.
Over the next week, I canceled all my work-related travel for the next month. I updated Brody’s apartment while he stayed with me, recovering. I wanted to make sure his apartment was safe for him and his falls in case of any future attacks. Brody even agreed to have an alarm installed on his car so that I could be alerted in case of another accident.
As for Ava, I wished I could do away with my heart entirely because the thing kept aching for her every waking moment. It kept reminding me that I had hurt her deeply, killing a part of me in the process. Killing the happier, better man I had become around her and the happiness that had lived in me after she entered my life again. I hadn’t known happiness like that could take up residence in my heart after Mom’s death.
So, while I kept telling myself that we were better off this way, my heart continued to disagree with me—every damn minute of the day.
Ava got me in a way no one else did. She saw through all my layers—the exterior charm and the suave words—to the real me inside, and that was what she had liked about me. She’d liked the geeky taste in movies I had. She knew the things that made me laugh and would meet my eye across the room with a knowing gleam in her eye when I laughed too.
“Where’s Ava?” Brody asked a few days after he began staying with me.
I turned to him, my shoulders drooping. “No idea.”
At the sudden silence that met my statement, I felt compelled to explain. “I broke up with her,” I added in a hollow voice. “I’ve made sure she’s taken care of, but she won’t be here anymore.”
I looked at Brody, whose eyes widened as he stared back at me from the couch.
“Desmond,” Brody began just as I turned around.
“No, Brody. Don’t ask.”
Brody threw his hands up. “I have to ignore that and askwhy?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’ve got time. Seven days, to be precise—the amount of time that I agreed to stay with you. So, unless you want me to interrupt you every five minutes, you might as well start now.”
I sighed. “I can’t afford to miss any more of your calls, Brody, just because I’m too besotted with a woman to be there for you.”
Brody leaned back on the couch, thumb on his chin as he considered that. “Please tell me that’s not your long-term plan? To put your life on hold just so you can answer my phone calls?”
“Brody, that’s not up for discussion. As your older brother, I’m responsible for you. The same way your parents were responsible for me when I was alone.”
He sighed as he crossed his legs and shook his head. “You know, before I met you and Ava for dinner, I visited Dad at the nursing home.” He met my gaze. “Dad asked me how football practice was going.”
I screwed my eyes shut for a minute when I understood what had happened. Brody had never played football. I had.
