She nodded.
Rand’s stomach twisted. The reason for insisting on marriage hit him—despite everything, she looked to him for protection from the man who had abused her and still sought to do more.
She trusted him to ensure that their joining was pleasurable, and he’d failed. Why hadn’t he considered the possibility that she might have been attacked? By the end, he knew he could have said anything to stop the blows raining down. He was unworthy. Once he’d failed her, and he refused to fail again.
‘I am sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault. I should have told you earlier, but I hoped the explanation would not be needed.’ She bowed her head. ‘An error on my part. But please, can we move beyond this?’
‘And on mine. I offer no excuses, Svanna, but a promise to do better.’
‘I can understand if you wish to annul the marriage…’ She held up her cut hand and gave a brave smile. ‘We can say that we proved incompatible, and the marriage was never consummated.’
His stomach ached more than ever. Annulling the marriage was the last thing he required. He only knew that returning to that walking dead state with its twilight world was not what he needed.
‘The strategic reasons for the marriage remain, Svanna,’ he said as gently as he could. His instinct was to go and kiss her until she surrendered, but he knew that would be a mistake. He had to work on rebuilding trust. ‘What you told me alters nothing.’
She reluctantly nodded as she retreated three steps and glanced towards the door as if measuring the distance she’d have to sprint. ‘The sun has risen…my foster-mother will be looking for me.’
Despite his instincts telling him to haul her into his arms, he knew he would take the patient man’s way, a way that felt awkward and unnatural, but he suspected was the right course, and would allow her a brief time to recalibrate and collect her thoughts. He put his hands behind his head and gripped the mattress. ‘By all means, go to her.’
She needed no further urging and practically ran out of the door, demonstrating what she must have felt in truth about their joining.
He slammed his hand against the bed. He’d managed to destroy his marriage before it had properly begun, and that fact hurt far more than he’d thought it would. He should have thought about the possibility of her being a virgin, but he hadn’t. The unvarnished truth was that the sex which had made him feel alive after being one of the walking dead had not been as good for her. And he knew he wanted to make it as good for her as it was for him. He needed to make it right and ensure she understood how pleasurable joining could be. The last thing he wanted was for her to fear the physical side. After what they’d shared, he knew, if she’d permit it, he’d ensure they experienced it again and again.
‘Another chance for us must be possible. I will make it happen. I will figure out a way. We can’t end like this.’
Chapter Nine
‘What are you doing here, Svanna?’ Astrid asked when Svanna entered the room that they had previously shared. Svanna narrowed her gaze and concentrated on Astrid, pushing aside all thoughts of her uncomfortable conversation with Rand.
She should have told him before they’d shared that second kiss. Was it any wonder that he’d looked at her in such an appalled fashion? She curled her fists and tried to concentrate on what was important, namely, Astrid’s health.
Astrid appeared to have passed a comfortable night, and her face was less pinched. She had to take that as a good sign.
‘I wanted to ensure you were resting properly.’ Svanna bobbed a curtsey. ‘What other purpose can I have?’
‘The Norns have yet to cut my life-thread. Far stronger than many think. But it must hang by the tiniest thread,’ Astrid said, mentioning the three arbiters of fate which the people of the North believed controlled a person’s life and indeed when that life would be cut short. Astrid turned her head. ‘Why are you alone?’
‘Last night tired Rand.’ Svanna silently prayed some small part of that was true. Confessing to Astrid what had passed between them would make her toes curl. ‘What sort of foster-daughter would I be if I failed to come and see you?’
Astrid’s eyes crinkled at the corners. ‘Be with your husband and ensure our interests are well looked after. Your instincts were correct on this marriage.’
Svanna shifted uncomfortably. But going back meant facing Rand after confessing her small part in his scarring. He needed time to properly digest what she’d said.
She busied herself plumping the pillows and straightening the furs. ‘Much needs to be done here. You remain injured. I wasn’t thinking straight. Now I am.’
‘Fear talking, Svanna. Something I never expected to hear from you of all people.’
Svanna bent and retrieved a fur from the floor and held it in front of her like a shield. ‘I was headstrong and over-confident.’
Astrid shook her head. ‘A limited time remains to make a difference, my dear. Everyone witnessed the way he devoured you at the wedding. You must use his desire while it lasts to advance our cause. Bind him to you. Or Agthir will suffer.’
Svanna forced her lashes to flutter and her voice to be sweet. ‘You were the one who cautioned delay. Make desire grow through absence.’
Astrid stared up at the rafters for a long time without replying. ‘Last night, it came to me. There was more to this attack than meets the eye. I should have seen that earlier. I was wrong to laugh at that assistant swineherd.’
‘What do you mean? We know the Sons of Drengr wish to counteract any threat from Islay. They thought Lord Sigmund was in the hall.’
