Remarkably, Erik dialed down that predatory intimidation of his. Or perhaps I simply didn’t care enough to feel its effects.
Had he been feeling guilt over Fraser’s death? If so, then it was needless. The only one who should have been guilty was me. I brought my Leader Superior to the slaughter. If Erik had given me a choice, to attend the execution or spare myself of it, then I would have chosen to go. I was unable to refuse the darkness within myself an opportunity to be in the presence of Fraser when he finally drew his final breath.
“I don’t blame you for any of it,” I said without looking at him. “I was not the bystander in Fraser’s death. You all were.”
I wondered what he made of my comment.
Several minutes passed before Erik spoke again.
“Your father killed your mother,” he said. The words were not phrased as a question but a statement, allowing me to either expand upon it or simply leave it. I had no intention of elaborating,but as he waited, the silence pulled the words from me. I couldn’t help but fill the void with the story, one that most Bavadrins desperately tried to forget.
“I watched her die,” I admitted softly, feeling Erik’s gaze shift towards me. “The great Bavadrin Leader Superior forced me to watch as he had my mother whipped to death before my eyes. That was the day he stopped being a father to me. Children often see their parents as these great beings, constantly seeking their approval, no matter how destructive or wrong they may be. But after that, I saw him crystal clear for the monster he was. One deserving of far worse than what he received this night.” Erik watched me without a response. “I often wonder if I will have the same fate as my mother,” I whispered, the words meant more so for myself than anyone else.
I sensed his entire body tense before he said, “I won’t let you be tortured in such a manner.” Erik did not promise me life, but a death void of suffering. It told me everything I needed to know. My kindness towards him saved me from a painful execution, though the threat of it would continue to loom. He could not offer me safety. Living amongst the Lysians was not an endless sentencing. Eventually, the decisions made moving forward would outline my fate.
“Then, in what manner do you propose to take my life?” I asked, meeting his gaze.
Dark eyes focused on me and under the night sky, they looked as if they were endless pools of shadows. In them, I found an odd mixture of both danger and security. Having his attention fixated on me caused my pulse to quicken.
I was a lost bug caught in a web, and the way he looked at me made me want to squirm and risk getting even more stuck. Still, in those terrifying eyes, I saw fairness too. Erik was not a heartless Lysian, but someone who cared for his own. I remembered his warning when he was in the Bavadrin prison cell, when he toldme to run. He showed me kindness then, and again when fire danced in his hands, and he spared Landin’s life.
I looked away first, searching for solace in the darkness above.
“I don’t propose such a thing,” he finally answered, his voice gentle once more.
“Yet if I do not do as instructed, then you will, won’t you?” I challenged. My life was a bargaining chip. Do as I am told and then I may live long enough to return to my lands.
He shut his eyes, bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose. He would harm me if he needed to protect his own. Erik’s largest problem was that I did not behave as a threat, giving them no real reason to hurt me. Therefore, my life was threatened simply for not doing as I was told. It was a far less noble reason to take a life.
Erik appeared oddly unsettled by the conversation about my potential death.
“Why are you trying to be kind?” I asked. It was clear he attempted to bring me comfort in some strange way.
He chortled cruelly. “I forced you to watch your father’s life be taken, and you think I am trying to be kind?” There was a bitterness to his words.
“One act does not exclude others,” I commented. My attention snagged on his ear, and the single black stone that hugged his left earlobe. From what I could see of his brothers earlier, they all had one as well.
“Does it not?” His focus shifted to the star speckled sky above us.
Pushing myself off the ground, I sat, turning to him. “The situation we find ourselves in is not a comfortable one. I have found myself in many difficult positions and doing so I can tell when someone is trying to be kind, even in acts of cruelty.” Now it was he who remained silent. “Who are you looking for in the Sidhe lands? Who do you think the Sidhe took?” I asked him, shiftingthe conversation. Someone important must have been the catalyst for all that had come.
“My sister.” His voice sounded distant, as if his mind drifted off to another place.
Sister?
“How long has your sister been missing?” Could it have been possible that the Bavadrins too were taken by the Sidhe? We also had disappearances over the years and always believed it to have been something to do with the Spirit, as if the Spirit wished it. We believed that those missing were chosen for something grander than the life they had. Never did we question it, for even Edda supported that theory. But what if we were wrong? What if Bavadrins were taken by the Sidhe the way Erik thought Lysians were?
“Three years,” he answered.
Years? “Why act now?”
“My father ruled until a few months ago.”
When he didn’t elaborate, I asked, “And he didn’t want to find his daughter?”
A muscle twitched in Erik’s jaw. “The answer is complicated.”
I had run into some sort of wall, though I had no idea how the question could have been threatening or what he could have possibly been hiding by not answering it.
