There’s a light rap at my front door, and I smile. Adam has made a habit of arriving about thirty minutes to an hour before the rest of his crew. We’ll sit in my makeshift kitchen slash dining room and eat breakfast together. Sometimes we spend the time really getting to know each other, sharing memories from our childhoods or college experiences. Other times we sit in comfortable silence.
Oddly enough, it’s the quiet times together that I enjoy the most. I look forward to it. It’s become the highlight of my day.
Adam has been so patient with me since the hot kiss in my foyer. That kiss was intense. That kiss showed me exactly what kind of lover Adam would be. I’d hardly thought about sex in the two years since the accident. With no one special in my life, I didn’t need it. Sex wasn’t something that crossed my mind.
Until now. All I can think about some days is what it would be like to let Adam take me to bed.
Because Iwanthim. I’ve never wanted anyone like this before or after my husband. It’s an odd feeling. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake it.
I just have to make sure I won’t regret it afterward. I never want to regret anything with Adam. I still have moments whenmy guilt creeps to the surface for wanting a man who isnotmy husband. But I keep reminding myself, it’s my choice to move on. My choice to let myself have him.
So far, it’s working.
I open the door ready to greet Adam, but my jaw drops when I see who’s standing next to him.
“Surprise!” Lizzy holds her arms out to her sides and grins.
“Oh, my God. Lizzy.” I pull her into my arms and give her the tightest hug I can manage. It’s been months since I’ve seen my daughter, and this is a welcomed surprise. “How did you get here?”
“Took the red-eye and then a bus.” She points her thumb at Adam. “Met this guy in town at a coffee shop, and well, here I am.”
“This is a great surprise.” I smile at Adam. “Thanks for helping her get here.”
Adam nods before his eyes divert to his hands. Same as every workday for the past two weeks, he has a coffee and a box of pastries. Good thing he has a large crew working on the renovation to help eat all these sweets he keeps bringing.
I step aside and wave them in. “Just leave your bags here. I’ll get you settled in a room after we eat and catch up.”
Adam leads the way to the small table I’ve set up in the temporary kitchen. He shares a passing glance with Lizzy before he hands me my coffee without looking me in the eyes. He always looks me in the eyes. Sharing heated glances is our thing.
“Your usual chocolate croissant?” he asks as he opens the box. I watch him carefully, and something definitely seems off.
“Yes, please.” I narrow my eyes, puzzled by Adam’s avoidance. This is the point in our morning where he always kisses my cheek. Maybe Lizzy’s presence is making him uncomfortable.
I take a sip of my coffee. I still make a pot of my own every morning, but Adam has a point where Rachel’s coffee is concerned. It’s quite good. I don’t know if it’s any better or worse than what I make at home, but I love it all the same.
Adam sets the croissant on a napkin for me and grabs his own coffee. “I’m gonna go ahead and get started on my day. I’ll leave you two to catch up.”
Adam starts to leave the room without looking at me again. “That’s not necessary. Stay.”
He looks nervous. Even though he stops, he doesn’t turn to face me.
“Adam, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He finally looks me in the eyes and smiles. But I know his smiles, and this one isn’t real. I don’t see happiness or desire or even sadness in the way he looks at me.
I see pity.
My heart speeds up, and there's a deafening ring in my ears. I spin around to Lizzy. “You told him.”
She shrugs. “What?”
“Don’twhatme.” I raise my voice, my anger and pain at war with each other. “You told him about Alex. Why would you do that?”
She shows no emotion, just shrugs again with aso whatattitude that heightens my anger and causes my eyes to well up. I’ve always hated that behavior, and it makes me wish I could still ground her. “Because I like talking about Alex. It helps keep him alive in my heart.”
I drop my head into my hands, fighting back the tears. “I’m not ready to bring him into this new life I’m creating. I need more time. You had no right.”
Lizzy sighs. “Mom.”
