For once, Josh doesn’t keep his composure. The master of calm drops his toast on the floor, and I giggle like crazy as he fumbles, trying to digest my words.
“Vinnie Hampton? You fucked THE Vinnie Hampton?” he says, with wide eyes.
I nod. “For ten hours straight. And he paid me for it. Can you believe it?” My eyes are as wide as his, my heart pounding.
But Josh nods. He laughs in glee along with me.
“Yeah, I can believe it, baby. You’re worth every cent in his bank account. I’m sure he knows that now.”
I run to my boyfriend and leap into his arms, still in Vinnie’s baggy sweatshirt.
Bouncing around the kitchen together, Josh and I belt out the words.
You gotta roar in the silence, baby. You got to let the world know it’s your own!
I’m definitely gonna be roaring in the silence from now on.
And as for the world?
I have to thank Connor, the useless sack of shit.
He’s bringing the best of the world right to my door.
And right now, thanks to Vinnie Hampton, I feel like I’m on top of the whole damn world.
Go me!
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ilove spending long, lazy days with Josh, soaking up the sunlight through our huge Belgravia windows. I’m staring out at the city on this bright November morning, my stomach still fluttering in disbelief as he relaxes beside me.
There are so many exciting thoughts whizzing around my head, the memory of Vinnie Hampton’s lion statue still fresh in my mind. The world looks different now in the aftermath. So many different people, living so many different lives. I spent so long terrified of the crowds out there, feeling like the victim of a witch hunt, afraid to be myself. But Iammyself. I’m more myself than I’ve ever been, free of the shackles of poverty, and the drain of Connor dragging me down for years on end. Even before I knew it.
“You’re doing the lip thing,” Josh says, squeezing my knee. “What’s on your mind, baby? Still buzzing over Vinnie?”
I laugh, and do a claw motion with both hands.
“I don’t think I’ll ever stop buzzing over Vinnie,” I tell him. “That kind of amazing is crazy amazing.” I take a moment to appreciate another round of butterflies. “Nope. It’s not goinganywhere. I think I’ll be buzzing over Vinnie Hampton for the rest of my days.”
“Not surprised. There aren’t many entertainers who’d get a taste of that guy’s cum. I’m lucky to have got a second-hand sample.”
Josh looks at me with adoration and ease. No possessiveness, or insecurity. No shame in what we do.
I didn’t think I had any shame, either. I never thought there was any shame in being an entertainer, right from day one, but it’s not whatIthought of the world of proposals that was at the crux of it. It’s what other people might be thinking of me that put the shame and the fear into my heart. Feeling judged and on trial, even when I wasn’t realising it.
I owe Vinnie a helluva big thanks for bringing the truth to my attention.
I look back out over the cityscape, wondering again who is out there, and how many people know me. How many people know my name?
I’ve been so petrified of being recognised, but it wasn’t about me. It was about dragging everyone else into that recognition with me. Josh, my parents, Tiff, Eb…Heath.But they all know what I do, and they all love me anyway.
I need to start loving myself like they do.Ella, not just Holly the whore, in the confines and safety of The Agency.
Go me on the self-coaching!
“I miss Heath,” I say aloud, and Josh squeezes my knee again.
“I know, baby. Me, too. Just a few more days to go now. I can’t wait to get my arms around him.” He smirks. “And my cock inside him.”
