“That’s what I meant.” His tone grew somber again. “You know, I once had someone who looked at me the way Hound looks at you.”
Caught off guard by the change of subject, I let my curiosity get the best of me. “Yeah? What happened?”
“I was a dumbass.” He laughed, but there was no mirth in it. “I thought my demons were more important. I wanted to wallow in self-pity more than I wanted her. Thankfully she was smart enough to leave my sorry ass. She’s living in Southern California now. I sometimes hijack a satellite dish to check in on her. I thought for sure she’d be married with a few kids by now, but I’ve never seen her look at anyone quite the way she looked at me.”
“You know stalking’s creepy, right?”
He snorted.
It was a little creepy, but his story was also heartbreaking. I thought about my cousin alone in his office, trying to get a glimpse of the woman he let get away. “If you know where she is, why don’t you go to her? See if the two of you can rekindle something?”
“It’s been too long. I caused her too much pain. She’s better off without me.”
“Just like Hound’s better off without me.”
I expected Levi to argue, but instead, he replied, “Yeah. You really do need professional help, Meals.”
And there it was. The final axe had fallen. The one person who’d always been in my corner no longer had my back. Not only had I destroyed my friendship with Hound, I’d severed my connection with Levi.
Angry, I spat, “He’s not your real brother, I’m your blood. I’m your family.” It was a last-ditch effort to secure Levi’s loyalty, and remind him he still loved me, but it backfired. Horribly.
“You might be my blood, but you don’t know shit about family,” he shot back before hanging up on me.
I stared at the phone, knowing he was right. I’d fucked everything up and had no idea how to fix it. I’d done a damn good job digging myself into a hole, and now I couldn’t climb out. My wheelhouse didn’t even stock the tools for climbing out. I had no choice but to keep digging and hope I found my way back to Ottawa before I did more damage.
I wasn’t planning to return to the fire station after my kitten sitting duties, so I had my room all packed up and ready to go by Wednesday morning. I hadn’t spoken to Hound or Levi since Sunday, and didn’t want to ask them for help, so I carted my luggage downstairs on my own, setting it by the front door to wait. Toby arrived five minutes ahead of schedule, and gladly helped me wheel everything out to his sedan.
“That’s a lot of luggage for four days,” he observed as he loaded everything into the trunk. Scooting around the car, he hurried to open the passenger door for me. “You’re not planning on moving in, are you?”
I knew he was joking, but there was a hopeful glint in his eyes I couldn’t ignore. Laughing, I shook my head. “No. I’m not planning on coming back. I need to head home and get ready for the school year. Figured I’d just head straight to the airport from your place.”
“Right. Of course.” He circled the car and climbed in. “But you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I have a spare bedroom. You’d even have your own bathroom.”
Not knowing what to say, I stared at him.
“In fact, if you ever need somewhere to crash, you don’t have to stay with a bunch of bikers. There will always be room for you at my place.”
“That’s really sweet, Toby, thanks.” It was also a little uncomfortable, since I didn’t necessarily think we were at the roommate stage of our relationship. Hell, until recently, I’d suspected him of murder. The more time we spent together, the more I realized there was no way Toby could have stoned Polly to death. He didn’t have a violent bone in his body. He didn’t even like to hunt. I’d almost forgotten about how much he hated it when his dad would make him go.
“I’m bummed you’ll be going home so soon,” he said, looking rejected. “We just reconnected.”
“Maybe you can come see me in Canada sometime.” I was only trying to be polite, and not actually inviting him to visit, but the way Toby’s face lit up made me wonder if I was somehow leading him on. I couldn’t go through that again. It’d kill me. I’d have to watch what I said around him.
“I’d like that,” Toby replied with a grin.
Not knowing how to respond, I looked out the window and changed the subject. “Oh, wow, is that the Space Needle?”
He nodded. “Hasn’t Levi taken you on a tour of the city?”
“No. He hasn’t really had time. He’s been—”
“Working. I remember. You know, I can take you around after my trip.”
“Can’t.” I frowned, trying to look disappointed. “I have a redeye Sunday night.”
“Aww man, you’re not even going to stick around after I get back?”
“Sorry. Already booked my flight.”
