Toby was extremely happy to hear from me, and we set up a lunch date for Sunday at noon. When I got off the phone, I sneaked down to the kitchen and grabbed some snacks before spending the day holed up in my room. Hound came by around dinner time, but I couldn’t deal with him, so I tossed back another double shot of nasty ass tequila and ignored his knock.
17
Hound
“IBROUGHT YOU dinner last night,” I said, watching Mila in my peripheral as we left the fire station, walking toward the crosswalk. She’d been quiet since we’d set out, and I was determined to get her to open up to me again. “I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”
“You did?” Keeping her attention firmly on the sidewalk in front of us, her tone sounded unsurprised. “Hmm. I must have fallen asleep.”
I watched her, waiting, but she refused to meet my gaze. Every warning bell within me blared, reminding me why I shouldn’t trust her, and making me feel like a goddamn idiot for fucking with her, and just plain fucking her, in the first place. She was my boss’ cousin, after all, a point driven home when Morse called this morning and asked me to accompany her on today’s excursion. She could have made the request herself, but I’d received nothing but radio silence from her since she fled my room yesterday morning.
What the actual fuck was going on?
Am I not worth your time now, Mila?
Why did you run out on me?
What’s the real reason you didn’t answer your door last night?
Did what we shared mean a fuckin’ thing to you?
All the questions I wanted to ask filled up the space between us, making me angrier with each step. I opened my mouth to demand answers, only to snap it closed again. Mila didn’t owe me shit. And if I pressed her, she’d probably lie.
I couldn’t handle any more goddamn lies.
“Where are we going?” I asked instead, ignoring the giant elephant on the street.
“A restaurant.” She frowned and glanced my direction. Something that looked a lot like remorse leaked into her eyes before she blinked and looked away again. “It’s only about a block and a half away.”
She felt sorry for me.
She knew walking hurt and felt bad that I was the one joining her. I wondered if that was why she hadn’t called me herself to ask. Maybe she was hoping Morse would send along a different prospect. Too bad. I was here now, and I didn’t want her pity, I wanted… I didn’t even know anymore. Two days ago, I had zero expectations. I had distanced myself, and it was fine. Then she changed the game and fucked every reservation right out of me. Literally. I’d wanted everything from her: friendship, respect, her body, maybe even her love someday. I’d dared to dream of a future for us. Then she walked out the door, flipping me upside down and inside out. Now, I didn’t even know which direction was up. Suspecting I’d only been a pity fuck, made me feel like the stupidest schmuck on the planet.
Maybe it wasn’t pity. Maybe she felt indebted to me for looking out for her, and sex was how she said thank you. Was that the kind of backwoods, chauvinistic bullshit religious cults taught? I didn’t know, but I was certain I hadn’t given her any sign that I expected sex from her. Hell, in all our conversations, sex had never even come up.
She’d initiated the act. I’d tried my damnedest to resist her, but she was sober and naked, and I only had so much goddamn willpower. I watched the side of her face, hoping for some flicker of emotion that would tell me what she really thought of me.
Do you regret fucking me?
The words stuck to my tongue, refusing to come out. Even if she gave me an honest answer, it wouldn’t change anything. There’d still be this rift between us.
Over the past few weeks, I felt like I’d gotten to know Mila pretty well. When nobody else was around, she was funny, caring, and real. She masked her emotions when we were with others, but she’d let me see who she really was. My questions often frustrated her, but she usually answered. We’d shared fears, hopes, and dreams.
I’d considered her a friend.
My friend was gone today, Mila’s mask was firmly in place like I was just another Joe Schmo she couldn’t be real with. Her expression was so generic I wanted to call her out for being a goddamn poser. But I couldn’t, because I didn’t even know where we stood anymore.
She was the best lay in my life, but by fucking her, I’d lost every inch of ground I’d gained as her friend. Marching down the street by her side, I’d never felt further away from her. If I’d only carried my boots to my room Saturday morning, instead of taking the time to put them on, I would have been gone by the time Mila returned from the restroom and we could have avoided this whole situation.
For how long?
Mila was hot, and I was beyond attracted to her. With the sexual tension brewing between us, I knew even if I’d somehow managed to avoid her that morning, I would have given in eventually. All the coulda woulda shouldas of the world wouldn’t have prevented us from eventually fucking.
And now, our friendship was screwed.
As we reached the restaurant, I had to say something to at least try to make things right between us again. Instead of opening the door for her, I held it closed, forcing her to finally look at me. “Mila, if I did something to make you—”
“You didn’t.” She dropped her gaze, her eyes shining with what appeared to be… tears?
