I nodded. “I did, but it’s not the same as experiencing it.”
“But it’s a lot safer.”
“I disagree. I think a real-life education is always safer. I needed to know how long someone would be incapacitated if I sprayed them, how much time I would have to get away and get help. Knowing exactly how it feels and what the recovery is like is important to me. If I’m going to willingly hurt someone, I want to know the level of damage I’m doing to them. Now when I use this spray on someone, I understand the pain and recovery they’re going to experience and I’m consciously deciding to inflict that on them.”
He was staring at me like I was crazy.
“Police officers do the same thing,” I defended.
“No, they don’t. Police officers get maced or pepper sprayed because there’s a chance they could get sprayed by a suspect or catch some from the air and they need to know how to do their job while afflicted. Not so they can empathize with the bad guy.”
“Well, it’s practically the same thing.”
He shook his head, chuckling. “No, it’s not. And I now understand why you go by Mercy instead of Mercedes. It fits you a lot better.”
“Thank you.”
“I don’t know if that’s a compliment. Shit.” He was full on laughing now. “I still can’t believe you sprayed yourself.”
I wanted to be offended, but his laughter was so warm and throaty it made me feel all sorts of other emotions. His face softened as he laughed, and I saw a hint of the adorable boy from the photos hanging on Beth’s walls. It gave me hope that he was still in there under all of the man’s layers of regret, guilt, and self-loathing.
Finally, Landon stopped laughing. “You think real-life education isalwayssafer, huh? You’re never getting a gun,” he said.
Fighting the urge to snap back and ask him who he thought he was to tell me what I wasn’t going to do, I considered our conversation. Based solely on my reasoning for pepper spraying myself, I couldn’t deny that buying myself a gun would be a moronic move. “Fair enough,” I replied. “But for the record, I wouldn’t shoot myself.”
Shaking his head, he barked out another laugh. “It’s the fact that you even have to give me that assurance that concerns me.”
He had a point. Shrugging, I pulled my hand away from him to snatch back the remote and resume my movie. Landon went back to filling out his volunteer application.
“Done,” he said after a while, handing the paperwork to me. I took it and slid it back into my laptop bag to process after Christmas. “Also, I’ve been thinking, and what I said about Mercy fitting you better than Mercedes, that was a compliment. I appreciate that after all the shit you’ve been through, you’re still willing to take chances. Even on someone like me.”
His words were heavy and serious. I met his gaze, finding a different kind of darkness in his eyes. The storm clouds were gone, replaced by something more intense. Something that made my pulse race.
Landon leaned in. “I don’t need a Mercedes, but Mercy… I could use some of that in my life.”
I was still trying to figure out a response when his lips landed on mine, robbing me of the ability to think. He licked at the seam of my lips and his warm, hard body pressed against me. I knew I shouldn’t let him kiss me—that the clock was ticking, and he’d be gone before I knew it—but I wanted it. I wanted him. I knew it didn’t make sense, but I opened my mouth and let him in. He was tentative and cautious at first, as if waiting for me to pull back or push him away, but as my hands roamed to his back, he unleashed himself.
His hands slid under my sweater, wandering over my stomach before roaming up to my bra. His kiss deepened as he palmed my breasts over the thin lacy fabric. I felt my nipples pebble beneath his heated touch. I couldn’t remember the last time hands other than my own were on my breasts, and it felt so good I wanted to cry out for him to keep going.
I wanted to feel him—to feel all of him—and there were far too many clothes between us. My hands dipped under his shirt, settling on the defined muscles of his back before meandering forward. I took my time, reveling in every dip and curve of his hard obliques and abs, before making my way up to his pecs. His torso felt every bit as good as it had looked, and I couldn’t wait to see and feel the rest of him.
My hands slid down to his jeans and I unbuttoned the top button.
Someone knocked on my door.
The effect was almost humorous. It was like we were a couple of teenagers who’d gotten caught making out beneath the bleachers. Landon jumped away as I pushed off the sofa. His shallow breathing matched my own. “I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time.
His brow wrinkled. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Your head.”
“What did you do to my head?” I asked, confused.
Another knock sounded on the door.
“I should get that,” he said. “It’s probably the food.” He stood, tugging his T-shirt down over the top of his unbuttoned jeans. It did nothing to hide the fact that he was sporting one hell of an impressive erection. I tried not to stare but it was super obvious, and I was kind of proud that kissing me had that effect on him.
While Landon dealt with the delivery driver, it dawned on me how close we’d come to having sex. I wasn’t a prude or anything, and knew sex was natural and healthy. I also wasn’t a virgin. When I was sixteen, I’d wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so I arranged to lose my virginity to one of my guy friends, Dwayne Smith, who was also a virgin. We’d kept the experience as scientific as possible, but neither of us really knew what we were doing so it wasn’t anything impressive. He came the second his condom covered cock entered me.
I’d tried again with my most recent boyfriend, Josh, but he was nothing to write home about either. He could make himself come at the drop of his pants, but I never did find that “release” I’d read about. Sex hadn’t been much of a priority since.
